This piece was enjoyable and laid-back, which is what you want in this section. I think it that some of the lines didn't flow as well as others, like 'Stripes, blobs and patches, even faint traces'. Maybe the lost of the word 'and' would help (not telling you what to do. I'm merely suggesting).

There were other lines that just didn't seem quite right, like 'That smug look, yea what a good kit am I'. Something about it didn't seem comfortable.

The piece started off nice and strong, with a simple, but laid-back couplet, with a good rhythm.

Looking at the rhymes alone, they all fit wonderfully, like pieces of a puzzle. Once again, simple, but effective.

I must say, there was one line I didn't like in particular - 'You know you'll never forget the fun'. It just felt very plain and basic, with not much thought.

And you ended the piece on a strong note. The last two couplets were, I think, my favourite, with great wording and a steady flow. It had a certain cheeky charm to it. A good close.

Brad

P.S. Please comment and vote HONESTLY on every poem you read.