You're Taking Over

Austin.. you wanna killll meee?...amazing piece, this is a master piece, I just adore the sadness here, though i dislike it, but you have one of the most unique ways to express your pain, your love ,and your happiness..
the title was catchy, and omg the way you used it as a seperate line at the end of each certain stanza,,was VERY STRONG..A>M>A>Z>I>N>G...

the opening was good, but can be better..as it just just slight changes :
like heaved, is stronger than took :) realllyy look

You heaved the knife out of my heart
hope you know I can't breathe;
--
the line that came after it wass just SO DAMN sad..

My mind is burning your face in place,
killing me with every lie
why do I stand still and refuse to try(add a commaaaa)
^^^
anyway you took my breath away, with all this pain, it isvery hard to accept someones lies on us, especially if they are close.

there is no betrayal as hurful as breaking honesty.

your closing stanza, was VERY strong, and expressed a lot, you already know that i love the way you used that line..I may borrow it LOL..

i love your work..keep writing, keep moving :)
5/5

Maybe it's just me but I'd break this poem up more than it is, just because I feel a lot of it can stand by itself and have more power that way, I'd write the poem this way. Of course it's just my opinion so don't feel you have to take my suggestions. -

'You took the knife out of my heart,
I hope you know I can't breathe;
pain and love is becoming me
that reflection of perfection is falling apart.

You're taking over.

My mind burns your face in place
killing me with every lie;

Why do I stand still and refuse to try
as fears fall into empty space?

You're taking over.

I watch your every move towards me,
erasing more of who I am with each step,
and the only thing I wish I'd kept
is the truth cause now I can't see.

You're taking over.'

^I changed a few more things, but nothing drastic. Look it over and see if there's anything else you can change, there's always room for improvement.

I did like the concept here, someone taking over you completely, basically manipulating your every move. It's sad how someone can do this to us and we lose who we truly are because of it. We should know not to let it happen and to stand strong and resist it. We should never have to change for anyone else. Lots of pain in your words. But a powerful message.

Very powerful piece just one suggestion..

"Your taking over"
^it's "you're"

Other than that, nicely done!

My mind is burning your face in place,
killing me with every lie
why do I stand still and refuse to try
as fears fall into empty space?
Your taking over.

*This stanza really hits hard for me. I've been through a lot of things and each line is like having those wounds reopened with salt applied to make me relive every second of the past. Such a sad piece but I know a lot of people can relate to what you're saying. Nice work dear.*

Austin, this is sad that we would let another person we love consume our very being and take over our souls. We all do this at some time in our lives. Your words express the emotions and feelings as the process happens. You are wise for the few years you have been on this earth.