Breakdown

Oh a great opening, loved the personification of sadness, also the alliteration of 'soft sadness' was a nice touch. Soft was a perfect word to use to connect with 'skin' as well.

I think you should totally change this part a bit and form a question. --

However, still I hold wearied ships in
my heart, elapsed lands on my shoulders,
wondering if you will invade the red lines
beneath my lips again

change to -

'Still I hold wearied ships in
my heart and elapsed lands on my shoulders.

Will you invade the red lines beneath my lips, again?

I'm not quite sure what the adverb part added, I was a bit lost there.

You did however end on a very powerful note. The ending stanza was perfect.

You have blown me away with this piece of genius writing.

Soft sadness wears my skin,
^^
I have never thought of using an emotion in such a unique way, personification used very creatively in this first stanza.

However, still I hold wearied ships in
my heart, elapsed lands on my shoulders,
wondering if you will invade the red lines
beneath my lips again,
^^
This had me enchanted, spellbound, i felt as though i was watching not reading the pain and torment unfold before my eyes.

I don't think you ever crossed the rivers
to reach the bed of my valley...
^^
your imagery is consistently innovative and provocative.

my sentiments gather like a foolish crowd to
meet this stranger stripping my sanity,
at the breakdown of my rising patience.
^^
I am indebted to your writing as I can learn so much from the depth you layer your peoms with. This was a blissfull tragedy to encounter.

Well, I don't hate you.....Well, maybe I do but only a little and its only because this poem is wonderfully written. Your lines speak of sadness in a very moving way and I am ouched with each line and I'm sure other people could easily relate to this poem as well. Your imagery is something else as well. The lines are very colorful and I could easily picture things in my head and I was in love with your second stanza! Simply amazing imagery!

I couldn't decide which stanza I liked the most as I found them all very effective and they all held the same amount of emotion and were able to carry their own weight in the poem. The second stanza would have been my pick just to let you know though cause it really seemed colorful and it was easy to see everything from your descriptive words!

All in all, you are continuing as always to be a wonderful poet and I am impressed with this poem from its simple lines to its deep running emotion that can be gleaned if one reads carefully. I can't wait to see what you have next! Great job and keep writing! :]

Its funny because,I had this thought in my mind...its like you creeped into my mind and pulled it out...
I was thinking about writing a poem called 'foreigner" ...and finish it with, 'however,these feelings are now illegal,they had no permit to stay for that long in my life'

I don't think I'll write it anymore,
I've couldve never done a better job.

Thank you for writing such beautiful pieces lovie,
Thank you for feeling what I do,and convert it to poetry!

Loved this piece :3
Thank you for saving me work, lol! Mwaaa!