The constant plip-plop
on the roof is there
i hear each rain drop
echoing in me now;
i hope it never stops.
*Make you're "i"s caps hun. I like the imagery here it's simple but still vivid. Inside of saying "in me" I would change it to "inside me".*
outside rain is pouring down
as i step into the heavy fall
i scream into the sky: let me drown
my sorrows in your tears! please!
the heavens are silent over our town.
*I'm not sure why you said the first line, we already know it's raining so saying it that second time was reduntant. I would just start this stanza with the third line. Wish is a very powerful one. I can see someone in the street just screaming into the sky as the rain is heavily pouring. Loved the last line as well*
the ground, freshly drenched
is growing flowers and trees anew
but what's left in me has wrenched
out a new rain of tears from me;
i walk on down the road, fists clenched.
*Again I'd change "in me " to "inside me" that just sounds better. For some reason the fourth line was worded in a very weird way. it doesn't flow very well. I'd try something like "out a new puddle of tears from me" that way you're still referring to the rain.*
in bed i hear the las of the rain
even as it slows to a slight drizzle
i force myself to sleep through the pain
though in my heart and in my mind
i know I'll soon wake to it all over again
*In the first line you forgot the "t" in "last". This piece was confusing to be honest. It went from sad to angry to hopeful then back to sad. Iliked that for some reason. It reminds me of the rain in a sense. Sometimes the rain is steady and doesn't bother anyone and sometimes it's harsh and wwild and causes problems. Anyways nice read. Keep working at it. -Nik*