I know we talked about this. I feel with your style you've always worked repetition into your poems quite a bit, so I felt that didn't come to much of a surprise.

I suppose you've used your metaphors as well for a reason, although they aren't the most original.

However, the opening offered something lovely as well as -

'I wanted to kill the shadow beside you -
I wanted the poison that puppeteers rats.'

I think you could work on your structure a bit as well, I know I mentioned a few parts to you personally that I felt needed work.

It's your poem though, do as you wish :)

Wow... I'm speechless. This is absolutely breathtaking. The vivid imagery, the vocabulary, the format, everything. I loved it! 5/5

That night I tasted your azure eyes
in a silken haze, and lusted to spark
a flame in a matchbox.
Or in a pyre

*That was my favorite part :] I love the word "azure" I never use it but I like to see others use it lol. I don't know if me and Temps were reading the same poem because I didn't see anything wrong with your metaphors. They were simple and got your emotions across just fine. And I liked the way you repeated some words, fit just well with the poem. I liked this one. Very well done my friend :] -Nik*

"azure seas, and the breeze
to tickle the rusting bells."

My favorite lines of the whole poem.

5/5

-Heather