Comments : Crimson Love

  • 13 years ago

    by Sunshine

    The feelings you poured in this poem, can make a master piece,
    how amazing the description was..
    fantastic piece of art with endlesssss flow...
    I was fond of the whole piecee...
    perfect piece, and the only things I can suggest is to play with the upper case and punctuation, so I tried edit it ...hope u agree :

    I stand alone in life, because
    I'm the one that no one can save,

    as I gaze into the horizon,
    listening to the rhythm of waves...

    So slient in here, since you are
    serving side by side with the braves.

    Aching with every breath I take,
    this is how my heart now behaves.

    And you, have to know that
    my heart in your love; a slave

    ^
    changed to into "in" and took off is, cause with a semicolon it's not needed.

    So I will lay down on the shore,
    holding the picture you once gave.

    ^^
    added the word once..better for the flow :)

    As the crimson tide drown me in,
    my tortured soul gradually-caves.

    ---
    Well chech the periods and commas, and hyphen I added, and i took of some upper case, cause i think it makes the poem more attractive, if you disagree when u compare then no worries, but in all i think you woote a heartfelt poem, just an amazing piece that touches everyone who has someone serving in the army

    5/5

  • 13 years ago

    by Prasad Baadkar

    ....ya even i v two younger brothers in d armed forces n i can feel d pain n feelings here..... nyc one again... keep it up

  • 13 years ago

    by Prasad Baadkar

    ....ya even i v two younger brothers in d armed forces n i can feel d pain n feelings here..... nyc one again... keep it up

  • 13 years ago

    by Prasad Baadkar

    ....ya even i v two younger brothers in d armed forces n i can feel d pain n feelings here..... nyc one again... keep it up

  • 13 years ago

    by kimara4955

    Such a heartfelt poem, i love the description, works beautifully with the emotions i felt, while reading this, take care xx