My boyfriend and my bestfriend. [ex]

What have I done
Crying is no good
Because it can't wash away
The marks you've left on my soul

So deep, like dry canyons
Waiting for those rains
That carved them so deep

Do you know how much I love you?

Like a boat in the middle of the ocean
Paddling, waiting to die
Starving
And then there you were
I screamed with joy and relief

I didn't know you were captors
Keeping my heart locked up
I don't want it back
I can't take it
I love forever
I won't take it back

All these beautiful words
They will NEVER fix the ugly ones
And therein lies the problem
I have destroyed us
There is nothing to rebuild

I wish my soul didn't have hope
All it ever wants, is you both

I say, never have regrets
If you like where you are now

The crazy part is, I regret so bad
I pity myself

I am content in this space and time.

But oh, I would give it up
I would give it up
I would give it all up
All to you

No longer am I part
Of what we once were
I hardly understand what I miss so bad

And if I don't love the boy, I know I love this girl.
Her own special brand. Won't accept no substitutes.
I can't give it up.

I hate myself for loving you both.