If You Could See Me Now (Collab with britt-Acrostic)

Ok im adding this to my fav. poems. i love it, the strength in it is what i love. i was goin to tell you this was my fav. line
urging to undress this person I no
longer seem to be, for today I
dare you to recognize the new me
--but then i kept reading and theres a lot of lines i like. well written :]

"In any instance, you can witness
fear breaking away from my mind"

^^I love this..what an intriguing (sp?) way to begin the poem, it makes me wonder what is going to happen and has me wanting to continue reading.

"You can no longer sense the
odor of weakness I used to wear,
utterly my tastes have changed"

^^I LOVE this..the first and second line are incredible. So much meaning behind the words and so much power dripping within the lines.

"
Cautiously, I flirt with the dangers
of stripping myself of your wealth,
urging to undress this person I no
longer seem to be, for today I
dare you to recognize the new me"

^^again, I frikken love this. This just keeps getting stronger throughout and the last line is beautiful. To me, it symbolises someone who has basically been pretty much a doormat for a long time, and they are finally becoming stronger and standing up for themselves.

"Strength has begun to scratch
every surface of my physical being,
each pocketed crevice of my soul."

^^..Can you two get anything wrong?! Honestly, this is speaking volumes to me as the reader and I adore the imagery here.

"Mastering pride, how I wonder if you can
engage the features I now behold with delight."

^^I LOVE this! Favourite lines so far. So much meaning in so few wors..absolutely incredible!

"Now your shackles are my history,
often times pain brings humility -
well this time - it bestowed me glory."

^^What a beautiful way to end this piece, you manage to keep the strength and power throughout the entire piece and end with a bang.

I literally can not tell who wrote what here, all I can say is, I want to see more from you both!

First off, I have to tell you I love formed poetry, especially Acrostics. Personally, I think the second stanza could be slightly better if you broke it up in terms of reading it. So for example, where it reads, "...I used to wear," instead of a comma, I would put a period, dash, or maybe even a colon since it is a different thought per-say. In the third stanza I don't see a need for a comma in the first line, it caught me off guard when reading, I didn't want to pause. And in the last stanza, you are using a dash too many times in my opinion, I would remove it from the last line and replace it with a comma. These are just my thoughts and opinions, but overall, this was a very well written piece. You both did a grand job on the Acrostic form.

- Joe