Oh how much I wish I could help you. I like the title of the poem and the way it was described. What's important is that you're fighting it. This really hit home and you wrote this really well. My heart goes out to you. I really enjoyed this write. Well done!

Danika

"As if it's a malfunction in the brain,
my mind is not the same tonight.
Unfocused and care free,
my body surrenders itself to sin-
a night of relapse"

^^ What a beautiful opening you have here! The first two lines immediately pull me into the poem and leave me wanting more, while the rest of the stanza becomes even stronger.

"The tension of stress
was exhaled in a cloud of smoke
Inhaled was a cloud of ease
that made my body feel at peace,
now overwhelmed by serenity"

^^Ahhhhhhh, I frikken adore the imagery you have created in this stanza, it is goregous and leaves such vivid images in my head.

"Attached to my hand is a clear bottle
filled with a controlling poison
I've surrendered myself to its power,
allowing it to consume me
more than I have consumed it"

^^Okay. I LOVE thos last two lines! Just, wow! Written simply in so few words, and yet somehow you manage to keep the emotion going, and those lines hit the reader like a slap in the face. Favourite lines of the poem.

"Now I lay in a bed inebriated
in the arms of an ex lover
Forgetting every feeling I once felt
and remembering what I want now-
his hand and mouth all over me"

^^inebriated? I don't know what that means?

The rest of the stanza is beautifully controlled and you have written something here that so many people can relate to. You really dig in to the reader's heartstrings and connect with them on such a personal level.

"Everything I once was against
became my best friend tonight.
When dawn rolls around
it will once again become sin.
Then memories of my relapse will be erased "

^^I adore these closing lines, so beautifully written, it's so sad and yet you write so perfectly, and I love how in the morning everything is forgotten-it's something many people can relate to yet again.

I really liked this piece, I enjoyed the content and the imagery and I thought the flow was great throughout.

We all relapse to the past and it's usually never for the best, yet it's human nature. You can't really control it when it creeps up unexpected. Usually it is only temporary though and we're able to go back again to how things were before you relapsed. Definitely very relateable.

Chelseaa baby!!!! :)

I love that you have toss rhyimg to the side....
Because you've been impressing me so much lately...
I adore what you have penned here.

Everything I once was against
became my best friend tonight.
When dawn rolls around
it will once again become sin.
Then memories of my relapse will be erased
^
I love the contradiction about being bestfriend with something you were against...because I relate...
This is strong...almost sensual I would say...

Well done!:)
Looking forward for more....
Oh na na na...

Chels,

I think this is the best poem I have read by you. It was mature, and the emotion held such an impact. At first when I was reading I wasn't grasped as much as I could be, but after the first stanza your word choice and emotion began to kick in. The first stanza was a little too stiff for me but apart from that the rest of the poem was really elegant even though it was quite sinful and regretful.
I was quite suprised by the topic to tell you the truth but I adored it.

I loved the idea of controlling poison, and while I know you are speaking about addiction from drinking in this poem I was interesting in the other version I was getting, as though you were speaking of an ex lover as you mention, one who you used to love and now you have fallen back into his arms after drinking. I liked both interpretations I got and that was due to the clever play on metaphors.

I can't find anything i'd change about this poem apart from the first stanza feeling too tense. I'm not sure how to ease it up a bit, and it's probably all in my head anyway lol.

A great poem
-Mel.

As if it's a malfunction in the brain,
my mind is not the same tonight.
...
Forgetting every feeling I once felt
and remembering what I want now-
...
Everything I once was against
became my best friend tonight.
When dawn rolls around
it will once again become sin.
Then memories of my relapse will be erased
^^^
Edgar Allan Poe wrote "A cask of Amontillado" in which the main character descends into madness, carries out his crime and, returning to sanity, gets away with it.

Your poem is a powerfully stated example of this same process. You accomplish it with iconic instances of irrational logic, such as forgetting in order to remember - i.e. repressing reality to tap into the pleasure-principle. You also signal it in numerous lines, which I excerpted above.

What is essential to your story is the contradiction, the irony, in the last stanza. Is this a rationally stated insanity that provides the escape through memory lapse? Perhaps, it may be the gratification centered Id lulling the Ego into believing there will be no consequences from this relapse.

You leave the reader in suspense: only the morning events beyond your telling would prove which it would be: guiltless lapse or hung over relapse.

5/5

Wow... I am glad you pen'd your thoughts
about this. It really has taken a hold of my senses and also my memories of that past when I allowed myself such indulgences. I think you may have inspired me to write a new poem of the topic... of the TRAP that is what you eloquently called a "Controlling poison"

thanks for the insight

As far as your poem is concerned
you simply did an amazing job here.
It was beautifully written with very thought provoking words that prompted my mind to literally imagine you there. All I can say on the topic... is stay strong and don't let in. life with out drugs is far more beautiful then the brief, (yet destructive) elated moments as your inebriated by the controlled poison. It will try To convince you that you can handle it in moderation, as that is its final plea in your mind while it tries desperately to keep you trapped in its grasp. It will taunt you time and time again. Stay strong and RUN... as fast as you can, every time. You've never experienced the most powerful love tell you meet someone that protects you from it, and makes you a better person.

I could really relate to this one from beginning to end. You captured the powerful feelings, emotions, and actions of an addiction and you did it amazingly.

"The tension of stress
was exhaled in a cloud of smoke
Inhaled was a cloud of ease
that made my body feel at peace,
now overwhelmed by serenity"

The only criticism I have whatsoever on this stanza is that I thought you should have started your imagery on inhaling first then exhaling next. As petty and irrelevant as that may seem, I think it may have captured the moment better.

"Everything I once was against
became my best friend tonight.
When dawn rolls around
it will once again become sin.
Then memories of my relapse will be erased "

I don't think you could have ended this better, with a conclusion and realization and an 'I cant believe I gave in' type feeling.
Fantastic
5/5

Keep coming back!

I know this feeling hun good puting in diffrent words:]

Very beautiful, can totally relate. 5/5

"I've surrendered myself to its power,
allowing it to consume me
more than I have consumed it"

Very powerful wordplay here. I believe everyone can relate to this stanza. We allow so many different things in life to consume us.

*sigh*

Love it.