Carousel (doditsu)

Carnival music flounders,
Turmoil ignites as it spins,
Frigid statue of lovers.
Ironic revel.

very, very brief. it paints a picture very, very well, and it great detail. the whole of the piece easily describes carnival to me, however there doesnt really seem to be a story... its hard to explain, the existence of lovers sort of implies a degree of a story, but not persay, and they're actions, frigid, are not unlike any number of easily imaginable circumstances. its not that i dislike the poem, it has great potential, it just feels as though there is a lot missing.

im not going to say 'write more' or anything like that, i think i liked "lovers" more as "horses" however, it at least reinforced the image rather than trying to distract from the image by inserting a story.

over all i would say its pretty good, but it could be much better, and im not sure what else i can tell you

I thank Larry for being tthe one who showed me this fantastic piece,
i am always speechless when it comes to tiny forms with so muchh power
and depth

wonderful,
5/5 definitely

Great work!

Picky points 'dodoitsu'
'irony of revel' is 6 beats (3 1 2) maybe: 'ironic revel' ?

Love that you took the suggestion of substituting lovers for horses - makes the poem much more powerful: a tableau of relationship confounded by the very activity masking its stagnancy. All that noise gets in the way of true change.
Beautiful! 5/5

I've never seen this form before but I think you did a beyond wonderful job. I loved the diction you used here. I found it very refreshing and beauitful. I loved the imagery as well very vivid and mind blowing. I hope you keep writing because this was really good. Thanks for sharing dear. You've got a nomination from me for this one. -Nik

To be honest, I think you did nail this...7-7-7-5..perfect! I ABSOULTELY loved, that the title wasn't in the poem at all, it wasn't about a legit caresoul, but infact you described it in a form of love....for being a short poem I LOVED your word choice here...

You havent written in 2 years! what a shame because I bet you can come out with great pieces!...When I have writers block i did this as well...try different styles see what you can come up with !

Excellent job!