Unspoken

by shawn   Apr 9, 2011


Haunting echos
Secluded in the depths of my mind
I try to run
I try to escape
Twisting and turning
In circles
The same circles i trapped myself in
Yesterday
The day before that
The week before that
These echos
Growing stronger
Gaining a pulse
Hunting me down
Cornering my fragile
Yet damaged soul
In a cold dark corridor
Against a wall
With only my words
As my defense
For the 313th time
I begin to speak
Unable at first
Throat dry
Senses Hazy
Words breach my cracked lip
For the first time
I can't do this
I can't do this by myself
Realizing
These weren't my words
Unspoken
Silent
Calming
They were the thoughts
Of one who once loved
Loved and lost
Me

By ~Shawn Michael Kilmer~

0


Did You Like This Poem?

Latest Comments

  • 13 years ago

    by Sincuna

    I'm going to be honest, shawn. The whole poem lacks originality and creativity. The speaker is just someone who is seemingly hopeless, and its very hard to empathize with the speaker if his/her expressions lack depth.

    About the first few lines: do you think you can "show" the emotion without describing it as "haunting", because that is just way too vague. You are merely using the definition of "haunting" as the tool, instead of a creative image.

    "Twisting and turning
    In circles"
    - Can't help but find this image humorous. You don't want that. It needs work.

    "Cornering my fragile
    Yet damaged soul"
    - 'fragile soul', 'damaged soul'. You can find such phrases anywhere these days. In blogs.

    I'm going to stop here. To be honest, this is more like a rant from a sad preteen than a poem. Sorry.

    If you wish to read on such theme (sad existence), try Anne Sexton's "Baby Picture".

  • 13 years ago

    by shawn

    Yeah, i thought about putting the puncuation in but i was lazy and it was like 5am lol.

  • 13 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    My only suggestion would be to add punctuation for a more dramatic effect. But you really added depth here and imagery of this seclusion between your mind...showing the reader how you have loved and now lost everything you are...really touching and thought-provoking, you gave some great expressions deep within your heart.

    God bless and thanks for sharing!