The time is nearing down

The sun is shining, though i cannot complain,
tomorrow shall be beautiful and then i will undrain,
i have only hope for what can be more,
but only am i afraid,
what would have lied behind that closed door,
would it have been beautiful,
would it have been grand,
would it be more,
then we could ever understand,
if it would have been,
too much for us both,
could it we have have handled,
or learned with due growth?
all that i know,
is i feel i have been pulled,
into infinite,
ifs,
ands,
or whats,
digging into my body,
like small papercuts,
yes they will heal,
and though they do hurt,
it will be nothing,
if cleaned,
of all the dirt,
grime,
and paper inside,
i feel oh so dirty,
yet have nothing to hide,
i wish i could have gone back,
and picked another option,
if that had happened,
then maybe i'd have got him,
but since the past is the past,
and we learn from what we know,
i have learned now to love,
and now know love should not be let go,
lest you never, find it again,
except from mother,
and you very best friend,
the ifs and the whats,
should have smothered me now,
but this hope of love,
floats me up like a cloud,
and i know when i find it,
different though it may be,
it shall be great,
then two more shall be happy.