Forever Goodnight!

And I was just wondering how your fever and health was?
And had to think if with you father you had again fought?

Im sorry to make it all like this,
And it was sudden and this is it.

Yes I miss you so much but I ended it,
And yes I still love you but I cant change it.

And yeah tears sometimes fill up in my eyes,
Thinking how it would have felt to have you standing beside?

I dont envy them, they have their significant other,
But I cant look at myself in the mirror, it smothers,

me to see myself with my own eyes,
Im not beautiful anymore, without your sight.

Its hard, its hatred, I cant dislike you no matter what,
Yes Im on fault and this guilt is eating me off.

And no I didnt lie, I do need you Phoenix,
But I had to do this and I broke my promise.

I never told you reasons, I didnt want you to get mad,
I had it all inside, now Im a girl you consider bad.

But I care and want to know how its going on,
And it will make me cry if you are already moving on.

I still cry finding reasons to hate you,
But Im weak and yes I cant get over you.

I try so bad and daily before sleeping,
Theres this though in my head; hows he doing?

And before I eat, a tear rolls down my eyes,
Cursing myself, thinking, if he even ate while Im filling my appetite.

And Im crying as I write this down,
And theres no you, in these tears I will drown.

You couldnt wipe them before, but you stopped my cries,
But now you are gone and there is no one to wipe these eyes.

Yes, I lost this and I let go of your hand,
Be happy Phoenix, Im miserable as I fell.

I fell hard and its like you said,
No matter what I do, I will be living sad.

Cause you are in my mind, haunting me every day and night,
And I wait for the time when I will say; "forever good night!"