Another Cut.

Dad scolded me again this morning and I kept looking around for you,
I have been feeling you all the time. Now when I look, why cant I find you?

No! The revelation hit again, striking my senses just the same,
Are you not here? Have I been pretending to keep myself sane?

Thinking of it kind of slows down my racing heart,
Wearing your clothing to stop myself from trembling hard.

Its hurting me, its killing me inside, and how are you expecting me to just accept it like that?
I cant take it, I cant help it, and dont you see how bad its messing with my head?

Everyone tells me its a fact of life, its supposed to happen to all,
Why wont it happen to me then? Cant you see the tears that fall?

And remember that noon? I cried so hard I couldnt breathe,
Pretended to be in your lap and hushing myself slowly drifted to sleep.

Im pretending, trying to make me feel good about myself,
It doesnt take long for the mask Im wearing to wear off.

I know, I know you are not here, you are not coming back,
But this loneliness is killing me. I wanna see you, just one little glance.

You visited me in my dreams, they are now becoming my need,
Please dont be upset from me, I need you, dont you see?

I miss you, I cry myself to sleep almost every night,
How do I manage in this world without you in my sight?

I have to see you again, meet you again, please help me somehow,
What should I do? How should I be? Can I really not bring you back now?

Im breaking down from inside, not even the strength to scream,
These worldly fears have clouded my wants, I never wanted you to leave.

You always appreciated me, praised my work big or small,
Dont let this darkness hover me, help me! Give me hope to withdrawal.

Im sorry, the need grew up on me and I gave myself another cut,
It helped for a while, diverting my mind to the pain, turning my senses shut.

No, its not that, Im not giving up, I do try,
But how do I stand up again when you are not here to help when I cry?

We are all mortals, everyone will have to leave,
These worldly pleasures are not something one can keep.