Festering Promises

Nana, the rhyming in this poem was really good but for some reason the second stanza and the rhyming aren't really cutting it for me. It could be how I read it but it seemed off. Now for your poem altogether, I have to say that this was a really good poem and the emotions were strong and could easily be felt. Sadness and pain were etched into the lines in this poem and I could feel it pulsing through each stanza all the way until the end. The poem flowed really good and I am amazed at how well you did that with the fact of this being a rhyming poem. The poem seemed so free and open even though you restricted what you could do.

"Life rests so awfully thus far-
inside a structure of flesh and bone,
no promises have been given
so I'll take these loads all on my own..."

This was my favorite part of the poem and I find that the imagery you use is very effective and also creative. Your words portray the solitude of which you speak and you almost feel like your being confined when reading this poem.

So, I would just like to say thank you for posting such a wonderful poem that really brings out sadness in a way that I have never seen in anyones poems. Also that your poetry is simply amazing and this poem only serves to prove that you have a talent in writing and you are using it effectively. Well, before I talk on forever and ever about how much I love your poetry, I will say that this poem carries your point across easily and gives me a glimpse of what it is like being alone. Great job and keep writing!

Ooh, a rhymer from Nana! I love this. I didn't realize it was a rhyming poem until I got to the end and thought about how incredible the flow was here!

The first two lines of this poem spoke volumes to me, I think they had so much thought and knowledge, wisdom and truth. It was beautiful and sad, and a great way to open up!

That second stanza (sun!) paints a dramatic and strong picture, and I can just picture this image in my head. A wrinkled heart in so much pain is evident here...again, a very vivid and strong image.

Third line last stanza I would eliminate yet. It doesn't add much to the poem and I think it helps the flow a bit more without it. Second stanza first line I would eliminate "still" the use of "still" and "but" right next to one another like that creates a bit of confusion and I think without it, it holds a much more powerful line :)

Beautifully written, and I LOVE that title. Intriguing!

Oh my god lovelie! I think this is the first time I read a rhyming poem by you?..can't recall.
But this was so beautiful,and nostalgic,and rhymes to perfection.... This is one of those pieces I'm sure to come back and read again...so beautifully wriitten omg... This really captured my heart...

Mwa xx

I'm jealous of your poetry writing skills why you no give me some? -_-