Space Pirate

by Nevi   Apr 21, 2011


I am an adventurer,
Who sails the seven skies.
The keeper of the undersea
And deep ones
With their glowing eyes.
A pirate, am I,
If you will.
A captain of the clouds.
And float do I,
Above the world,
Or ride on comet tails.
The stars are my companion
On this voyage that I sail
And asteroids
Of Jupiter
Tell my stellar tale.
I am a pirate
Lost in space
Sunbursts are my home.
I'm but a dreamer,
Fast asleep
And thinking of
The Moon.

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Latest Comments

  • 13 years ago

    by StormyStar

    AMAZING your so very talented !!

    awesome :)

    5/5

  • 13 years ago

    by Narphangu

    I don't understand why this was rated a four. That's ridiculous. Definitely a five star piece. :) ... Although you should probably edit out that mass of computer speak at the end.

    I am an adventurer,
    Who sails the seven skies.
    The keeper of the undersea
    And deep ones
    With their glowing eyes.

    ^So much to love here. I love the somewhat unorthodox five line rhyme scheme. It gives the piece a sing-song rhythm, so it's like listening to a pirate ballad... very good choice. Also loving the "sails the seven skies" contradicted by the "undersea" that follows.

    The comet tails imagery is lovely, as is the "stellar tale". I think the asteroids "off" Jupitar would make more sense to me, because it would make the line somewhat more visual, give a setting for the action, etc. Although I love the contradiction in the first part and your talk of "deep ones" in the sea, you might consider that you devote the rest of the poem to space travel, so maybe you could find a different line that's sky related or add in more deep sea discussion to make the poem more cohesive.

    Other than that, it's a very cute poem. Made me smile. Nicely done.

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