Thoughts before I sleep

by Sunshine   Apr 28, 2011


For how long would a boat be tossed into the
ocean before it settles on a tender destination
or finds an imperfect coast; perfectly.
For I a sailor who's been living inside a frosty
pine, tired of the brown color,
faint of the wooden smell
seriously suffering from the mystifying heights
I hang over, terribly scared from the sound of
silence that keeps on chasing the wind as it
whistles through my ears, repeatedly...
And I ask-
for how longer would a beat be tossed into
measures before it settles on a tender heart,
or finds an imperfect soul, perfectly...

by: Rania Moallem

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Latest Comments

  • 13 years ago

    by Britt

    "For how long would a boat be tossed into the"

    I would take off the "for" here. It's used in a couple lines down, and this is the better one to eliminate. Starting the poem off with for like this kind of threw me off grammatically, like this was an excerpt, not the beginning :)

    Here, I love the for :) "For I a sailor " but I would put some comma's... "For I, a sailor,". It adds a bit more emphasis, and seems to flow a bit better than just "running" through the line :) Gives it more affect and drama!

    I love the alliteration you have going on, and have a suggestion to keep it going:

    "seriously suffering from the mystifying heights
    I hang over, terribly scared from the sound of
    silence"

    I would change "terribly scared" to "terribly terrified". Then you have seriously suffering, terribly terrified, sound of silence". Adds a bit more to the word play :)

    "for how longer would a beat be tossed into "

    longer should be long, or "for how much longer" :)

    I love the repetition of imperfect/perfectly. I thought it added a great connection and really held true to what you were saying here. As always the images you portray are so vivid!

    My favorite part of the entire piece?:

    "pine, tired of the brown color,
    faint of the wooden smell"

    I love it. I don't know why, maybe because I actually love pine, the scent, the look, the feel, everything about it reminds me of home, so it gives me the feeling as though you're sick of home, sick of being seen one way and want to go on your own adventure, no matter how terrifying it is.

    You little sailor on the beautiful ocean, captain Sunshine, have nailed this poem...as usual :)

  • 13 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    I am speechless to decribe how this made me feel 5>>>>>>>>>>

  • 13 years ago

    by mira

    I like this one
    well done

  • 13 years ago

    by Jad

    Yes, this piece was done perfectly and I am really taken back by your message. I loved the metaphors you used in this piece as it had wonderful imagery and plenty of emotions. The title fit this poem so well and this was a very thought provoking poem with many different interpretations. Your poem flowed really good and the structure of your poem was also good though at first I thought it wouldn't be since you had all the poem in one stanza, but it was.

    I couldn't pick one part of this poem that I really liked as I found that this poem flowed so well and the thoughts were all collected and deal with the same thing that I would have to put the whole poem as my favorite part! :P Anyway I think you did a wonderful job conveying your message and your words spoke strong and true and your heart left many emotions in this piece ranging widely.

    In all, you did a great job and I am always impressed with your sad poems as I find they bring out your heart the most and you can vent your feeling easier. This poem was wonderful and like the rest of your work it didn't disappoint me. I hope you continue to use your creativity to the best of your ability! You are a very talented and mature writer and I am glad I know you as a poet and friend. Great job and keep writing!

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