Comments : Breaking the Habit

  • 13 years ago

    by Lady Nik

    Wounds scar my emotions,

    *I'd chane wounds and scars so it reads like "Scars wound my emotions" makes more sense that way since scars are wounds that haven't healed*

    Where my heart yearned for you,

    *yearned should be yearns*

    but truth paints a overcast

    *change a to an*

    with a torn sheet of paper
    as a simple contrast,
    denying what I know is true.

    Holding on to what I should let go,
    I stand in the opposition of the wind,
    fighting a useless battle I can't win.
    So why do I try it over again

    *I'd change this line to "why do I keep trying over and over again" seems to flow better than the way you had it"

    when I could let these wounds mend?
    when I could just let this all end?

    *The question marks don't need to be there, the question was with the previous line.*

    So I'm breaking the habit
    and closing the veins that bleed
    as I close my eyes for the last time
    for I am standing above the hurt,
    and, now, I know that all I need

    *why do you have two commas in that line?*

    is to release myself of these binds.

    *I like this poem but I felt like you've written stronger pieces. Thanks for sharing. -Nik*

  • 13 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    I feel this was probably one of your stronger pieces I've read. I felt like although it is a simple expression of feeling, you seemed to put a bit more thought and time into this one. 'Knowing is only half the battle' is what came to mind here. I totally know what you speak of. You know what is right for you, what you deserve but sometimes we're just not ready to make that step. Only thing I'd suggest is trying to write your lines so that you don't need to depend on 'the' 'and' etc to bring your thoughts together. Sometimes you can eliminate several of them and the lines still sound the same. '

    I stand in the opposition of the wind,
    ^You really don't need 'the' before opposition here for example, but 'the' before wind is kind of optional, it's up to you.

    Knowing your poetry and having read your poems for quite awhile, Ill say it again, I think this is one of your better pieces that you've written. It may not hold all the originality in the world and make me overly amazed or anything, but it just seems like it flowed better and more thought may have went into it. Nicely done.

  • 13 years ago

    by Sylvia

    Austin, this is one of the more powerful poems you have written and shows a growth in your work and also shows your maturity. There isn't much I can add to the other commenters except well done.

  • 13 years ago

    by Dreamofolwin

    A strong emotionsal write by you Austin...that I thought was well written and expessed. Many of us have been there...

    "Holding on to what I should let go,
    I stand in opposition of the wind.."

    I loved these lines..... Also :-

    f"or I am standing above the hurt,
    and finally I know that all I need
    is to release myself of these binds. "

    WELL DONE Austin.. this poem speaks of overcoming our emotional battles and coming out a winner! ( Which this poem is to me for all that it expresses) :) I love it =] Great Job!

  • 13 years ago

    by Sunshine

    AUSTIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    I am touched, but you already know am touched whenever you finish writing a sad piece!

    The emotions in this poem, the word choice, and the flow...the pain and the passion that I can feel with each letter you dropped here...makes me feel so sad..

    you have chose the perfect sadness for the perfect depressable people lol...and the perfect feelings for the imperfect emotion (hurt)...which inspired me so much to write a new poem...

    your talent, is something else..yet you talk about my poem! Damn it..this was a pure art for a poem! and I am touched..

    this was my fav part :

    So I'm breaking the habit
    and closing the veins that bleed
    as I close my eyes for the last time
    for I am standing above the hurt,
    and finally I know that all I need
    is to release myself of these binds.

    ^^^
    extremely a killer for an opening!
    I love you austin, I love ur work...and this better be just a poem..or else am gna kill her :D :P

    FIVE
    and hope it wins..sorry no votes :( :( :(left..

    a winner in my book, however

  • 13 years ago

    by Milo

    Great poem, the title breaking the habit symbolizes change, and one willingness to do so means alot.

  • 13 years ago

    by BlueEyedMystery

    I had to read this. Only because the title was one of my favorite songs. :] Anyways, onto the poem:

    but truth paints an overcast
    with torn sheets of paper
    as a simple contrast,
    denying what I know is true.
    -- Wow. Nicely worded here.

    So I'm breaking the habit
    and closing the veins that bleed
    -- I can relate. Powerful words.

    The ending was very nice. Happy endings are always good ones. :]

  • 13 years ago

    by Britt

    Wow...can I just say, WHAT an emotional piece!

    "Wounds scar my emotions,
    When my heart yearned for you,"

    Here I would make the W in when lowercase, since after emotions you have a comma :) Grammatically correct and all that, lol.

    I like how you don't have a consistent rhyme scheme. Sometimes it's a full rhyme, sometimes it's not. Sometimes it's right next to each other, sometimes it's in the beginning and then end of a stanza. I thought it worked really well here, and really didn't feel forced for me at all. In fact I didn't even realize it had rhyme until my third read through!

    "I stand in opposition of the wind,
    fighting a useless battle I can't win."

    I love this bit, and thought it stuck out the most to me. The opposition of the wind was a great way to say how you feel, and I think it was very clear, with a strong image. I could feel it there. Usually the useless battles are the one you never win. My grandma used to always say pick and choose your battles, the ones that aren't worth anything, you'll lose. :)

    Very strong ending that give some self esteem and self worth. I really liked this, Jad. Really sad, and I hope everything is okay! :)