Realizing

I don't dare close my eyes
I shall not dream of the impossible
tears fall down my eyes as I slowly start to close them
for now I shall see what never will be;

My mate standing by the door saying:
"there you are honey I'm glad that you're home"
Children running to my knees yelling:
"Mommy we love you so much, we have missed you so"
the black dog that runs after my children in excitement itching for the love,
that will never grow there and never will.

Black tears now flow from my eyes,
for i picture them here beside me.
Ashlin my first love now my husband
tall with chocolate brown eyes that is holding me so tenderly so
Melissa and Donia all but small at the age of 5
looking at me all innocent trusting and most painfully of all love in their eyes for their mother,

With a start I get up from my bed
covered with tears and sweat
I run to the mirror and realize with a jolt
I don't ever want to be alone anymore