Like a Waterfall

by Sunshine   May 3, 2011


Like a waterfall my sweet, I fall frequently
into the painful pleasure your love bestows me,
as my heart flows, alas not like a river
but like a dying wind,

like a permeable valve that drips throughout
the elegant nights, failing to wake your eyes
up from slumber!

Still I question to where your dreams are
heading, for I hold no doubt that they aren't
coming anywhere nearby my lands...

Tears fall, over again, but not like they do
in cliche poetry, nor like they do at the edges
of break ups, no not like rainfalls,
but like a firm leach from the corners
of conceited mountains,

heading nowhere!

'cause the sadness in my eyes
is lost in wonder of how can I praise it for
someone who fails to feel the wistfulness
that I succeed to wrap through a language
of tears and odd laughter.

by: Rania Moallem

stemmed from a challenge by britt,

"Why can't you feel the sadness in my eyes?"

    report violation
3


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Latest Comments

  • 13 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    Someone can hurt us time and time again but never see what they are doing to us. I'm not quite sure why they are so oblivious to it, maybe they know but just don't care. This nearly brings me to tears, you write of feelings that are so relevant to my life right now, as well. I know I can always connect so closely to your poems. I feel so much comfort in them.

  • 13 years ago

    by Jad

    Beautiful and breathtaking. Your words are as sad as ever and the imagery in this poem is something else. I could picture so many things in this poem as I read and it brought the poem to life giving me something to look at as I read your poem. The emotions in this poem were sad beyond belief and I could feel them dripping from your lines. The message is easy to see and it adds to the simplicity of this piece. This poem speaks of deep sadness dwelling in someone. This poem tries to convey the feelings in a number of metaphorical ways but in the end the pain is overbearing.

    I couldn't find one stanza that stood out to me as I believe your words are incredible. The flow is really good and it flows from line to line with ease and it makes the poem flow really smoothly. The word usage was strong and it provoked many images and feelings. You creative mind is always thinking creatively and this poem only proves your talent as a writer to make a simple phrase into a torrent of feelings and poetic art.

    In all, I really enjoyed this piece and I am sure there are people who can relate to the sadness in this piece as they want so badly for someone to see the hurt they have but others can't because of whatever reasons. You are a blessed writer and I hope someday my work will be comparable to your raw talent. I hope you always try to step outside your comfort zone and push forward with your talent shaping it into the raw force of poetic talent deep inside you. Great job and keep writing!

  • 13 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    This is amazing in every way

  • 13 years ago

    by Britt

    I must say, I love your slight alliteration here. "painful pleasure" "fails to feel" "fall frequently"..little bits dabbled here and there and bring such a strong feel here.

    I think the use of a waterfall here is really important. Waterfalls are so symbolic! They are beautiful bit of nature, but so mysterious sometimes and scary. They can be the most beautiful sight but the most dangerous piece of water as well..much like love. Love can be beautiful and dangerous. Perfect metaphor here.

    I also love how your first stanza ends with the bit about a dying wind. It adds a strong and important twist.

    I LOVE LOVE LOVE your third stanza and I feel like I can relate to it so seriously. I would change one thing, though. I would change:

    "heading, for I hold no doubt that they aren't
    coming nowhere nearby my lands."

    should be (two options)

    "heading, for I hold no doubt that they are
    coming nowhere nearby my lands."

    "heading, for I hold no doubt that they aren't
    coming anywhere nearby my lands."

    aren't coming nowhere sounds like a double negative, and it sounds wrong to me :/ You use "nowhere" later on, so maybe change it to anywhere? :)

    I like the repetition of "no" in the fourth stanza. The first time I read it, I was going to suggest a change. But when I read it out loud and really take the time and specific emphasis, I think it was AMAZING.

    "that I succeed to wrap through a language
    of tears."

    Beautiful and sad. The whole piece creates such strong and vivid imagery for me, and the words just speak to me in ways that only your poetry can. This is truly, truly beautiful! I'm so happy what you came up with! :)

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