Comments : Summer Bliss

  • 13 years ago

    by Sunshine

    TRUST ME, ur ending stanza sums it all up.
    I really love this poem, and I think you have used some really good imagination here, you do have
    a creative side that you take into a very novel way rather than penning down cliche images, I love the clarity in your piece, and I am fond of the strong syntax and definite floW..

    I thiink I am very proud of reading your work, makes me want to welcome you again lol :]
    well done!!
    Everything happens for a reason :)

  • 13 years ago

    by Britt

    This is a beautiful, beautiful piece of poetry. You have such emotion and vivid imagery throughout the entire piece that flows solidly from the beginning to end.

    I have a few suggestions and a question. I'm not sure the reason behind the quotations in your first and last stanzas...are they someone else's quotes, is it what you're saying? Just trying to understand a bit better :)

    I would also think about changing each line from being capitalized to only after a full stop. Such as:

    "Innocent flowers once bloomed
    and surrounded by colorful butterflies
    while its scent fuming in the air,
    like irresistible sweet candy. "

    It's grammatically correct and a bit easier on the eyes as well. :) I think it also gives a bit more "lofty" feel that works well with the breath of this poem!

    Thank you for also posting that June is the end of your summer, it is the beginning of mine and I thought it sounded a bit backwards..LOL.

    Also... "And Sun rays like open arms," I would take out "and" here as it doesn't add to the poem much?

    That is my favorite stanza, though. The third stanza. I thought it was beautiful and breathtaking! :)