Comments : Faded

  • 13 years ago

    by Sylvia

    Depending on how you read the first verse, should there be a comma after feelings? That is the way I read it,

    Falling faster, fears forsake
    feelings forgetting
    that I once knew how to
    remain whole inside.

    Alliteration is one of my favorite things to use in writing and you have done very well this alliteration. Doesn't seem forced, reads very naturally. In fact as I read each of those words, the weight of the sadness became apparant, almost unbearable. The emotion in the entire poem comes from the heart and not from just words you choose to use and that is a difficult task, to provide the reader with heartfelt emotions. You continue to grow as a writer and that pleases me. Well done.

  • 13 years ago

    by Anthony M

    Introspective and sad, smooth flow with short verses that nonetheless have great impact...all add up to an enjoyable read. Nicely done :)

  • 13 years ago

    by Kelli

    Beautiful. one of my favorites. i love the way you use words and separate the lines perfectly. great job.

  • 13 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    Falling faster, fears forsake
    feelings, forgetting
    that I once knew how to
    remain whole inside.

    This just drew me into the poem with a vision of a heart falling into a deep abyss..excellent!

    But my words are forgotten
    amid edges as sand is encroached
    by the passing waves of time.

    Like the waves washing away prints of a past so are the words lost in the ears of love..that is the image I got here...touching!

    So pretending I'm alive,
    standing here all alone again.
    I watch the passing of time
    weather away all that's left of me.

    ...and this draws such a sad image in my mind where a tree once full of lovely colors and smile now stands alone and bare...beautifully penned!

  • 13 years ago

    by kelleyana

    "Falling faster, fears forsake
    feelings forgetting". First this alliteration caught my eyes. I don't remember reading any poem like this before, then i read on...
    and i like the powerful message that is found within your words. When we find ourselves alone and think of the past happy times we share we just wish there w<asn't an end, but what is good about this is that it's memories lives on. Very well done, kel.