My eternal fate

Depression..

it chokes me,
it makes life difficult..

tired of explaining why,
i don't smile or laugh anymore,
so i fake a smile,
i fake a laugh..

so much easier to pretend,
that I'm ok,
that I'm happy..

most days i just want to swallow a bottle of pills,
and end the pain,
and heartbreak that strangles me...

each day i get yelled at,
made fun of,
told I'm not good enough,
or told to just die..
believe me..
i want to die..

its not as horrible as people make it,
its beautiful really..
i envy the dead,
who are finally at peace..

i can't seem to let go of you,
the cause of most of my pain..

a cheater,
a liar..
no truth in anything you say..

looking back i feel so stupid,
remembering all you said to me..

all the lies i believed...
why does everything always end the same for me?

every promise made to me by you,
broken..

my heart so wounded,
barely hanging together..

i gave it to you,
you promised to never let go,
that no matter what,
you'd never give up..

so here i sit,
a razor against my skin,
pain is the only thing, that reminds me I'm alive..

each memory of us,
is another cut,
each scar i see,
i think of you..

you promised to be the one who cared,
who would never let go of me.

you made me think for a minute,
i was actually worth something...

all i want is someone who really cares,
but no one does..

today i almost lost it,
that bottle looked so good..
an escape,
my only escape...

no one would care,
it would make their lives easier..

i wish there was someone to say they care,
but i know there is no one that would...