Final Speech

I kind of feel like a jerk for saying this, but I don't quite mean it the way it may sound (take it with my normal tone you know me LOL). I didn't care for this compared to your other stuff.

The emotion, the words, the lines, were great. But the form/structure wasn't my favorite. I can feel a slight restriction in some of the lines and they didn't have that natural Nana-ism that I love about your poetry. I think if you switched this up a bit and turned it into free verse, this would be one of the best poems I've read in a long time (funny how structure has that much meaning for me).

"But I'm a whistle below your ears
that flees within a senseless fear,"

I love this. The hopelessness and destruction riddled within the piece rings SO clear here.

Your third stanza kicked butt, I LOVED it. I especially love the first two lines, and the dark humor in heating the coldness in someones eyes. This was a VERY strong line and I think definitely set the tone of this poem.

Conceited mountain is a really interesting topic to write...I really like it! Made me think (a bit more than my brain wanted me to LOL).

I do love this, and I hope I didn't upset you by my structure comment. I just get used to a certain structure and then you go and change it up on me LOL

You never cease to amaze me You never missed a beat in this difficult abab form yet the flow made it so easy to recite not to mention the debth delivered

Well done ...bravo!