Evolution

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!

Decaying entropy
rots away the life of tomorrow,
^Not sure you realize what you've written here. Decaying, entropy, and rots all mean the same thing. Not too sure what you are trying to say here other than something is taking away the life of tomorrow, but you're the one with that thought. What is that something? I'd start your stanza saying what that something is then use your verb, probably decays or rots then 'the life of tomorrow' to conclude the line.

that rearrange genetic codes
into your deformed species.
^I feel maybe you're getting to wrapped up in the scientific words. You're trying to make the poem more complex then it needs to be perhaps? 'Into' to me would sound better as 'from' because it doesn't make sense to rearrange something that was already out of place into something that is deformed once again.

Really I think this poem does have the potential to be better. I'm sorry that I have to be the one to say that, but I must be honest. There's a lot of scientific terms used and they feel forced in order to combine with your emotions. I've been down this path before and have tried the same thing in my poetry, but it doesn't quite work out because it just hazes the true meaning you are trying to get across. I can see it faintly, yet all of those words that you have to stop and think about distract the reader and thus it becomes too complex to comprehend.

Hope you understand what I'm saying and will give this poem some time and some editing. Let me know if you do, I'd love to see a edited version.

What a write! This is like hitting hard with words to those who are so bent in change yet
destroying the very essence of life!! What a read...excellent!!!

Decaying entropy
rots away the life of tomorrow,
breeding burning fires
that rearrange genetic codes
into your deformed species.

*Aussy. My sweet little friend you have blown away my mind with this stanza. I LOVE the diction. Entropy, breeding, genetic, deformed. All simple words but the way you arrange them to make a point is just brillant thinking. This is starting to be a great poem and I can't wait to see what's next.*

Controlling- thinking your God,
you will erase the future
with biotechnology.

*Hmmm...I liked what you had to say here just not how you said it. I'd change it to something like
"Thinking of your God,
but you will be the one
to erase the furture with
biotechnology."

That seems to flow better to me and have more complete thoughts and than fragmented ones.*

Watch lies become the source
of your death that's close,
yet far because the standards
set by you are low enough
to match your own evolution.

*I really like this stanza. It was like a punch to the face almost. So full of raw emotion. Very well penned.*

You're a parasite that's
walking into extinction,
breaking dna strands into mutations
speeding the catalyst of metamorphosis.

*I'd take "that's" out. That first line is so strong and the "that's" slows it down a bit. "dna" should be "DNA" since it stands for something. Again you use a lot of simple words in such a great way. Bravo to you Aussy.*

Theories of psychology
link made up laws
created from your minds,
a dimension coated
with krylon radiation.

*I would take the "s" off minds. I feel like this piece is directed toward one person so I think mind is strong on it's own. Again. You're blowing me away with your diction and your wise thoughts. Brillant*

Recanted, you are too late
for trying to get your message out
you appear as a impressionist,
falling into your own flaws
by your ideas of evolution.

*Wow. Again with the punch in the face. Austin this by far is the best piece you have ever written in all my years of knowing you. And I don't just mean as a free verse, I mean your other poems don't come close to the epicness of this one. Wow. I really am blown away by your thoughts. Your ides and your thoughts are so well expressed and clever for someone your age. I really enjoyed this. -Nik*

Great poem.