I Used To Wish

I used to wish for a heart of stone
That no love would hold
But I have seen the way you've grown
So bitter and so cold

I used to wish I couldn't feel
Any of this pain
But now, I know, Id rather be real
Than end my burning flame

I've seen the way that you treat
Our loving mum and dad
Like a piece of discharged meat
That's rotted and gone bad

You never did seem to like it when
I came into your world
I guess that out of your centre spotlight
You were suddenly hurled

Always so jealous of what I had
When you had everything
I only ever admired you
No jealousy did you bring

Yet now that i really look at you
All that i can see
Is a cold, twisted older sister
Who I'm scared to be

The harsh expression is just a shell
Protecting what's inside
I know that you have been to hell
I know that you have cried

Trying so hard to make a success
Of your law career
Dealing with ex fiancees
Failure always near

Coping with a sister having depression
Suicide and self harm
Blaming mum and dad for my condition
Causing them alarm

I wish that one day, eventually
You'll come home again
Maybe one day, we'll be a family
I wish that i knew when

We'll laugh, and joke like old times
Share the love that we once had
When we all can unite together
Things wont seem so bad

Right now everything is so separate
The silence after the storm
I'm stick in the middle of a family
That has been truly torn

All the hurt has made you cold
You act like you can't care
You pretend that your just too busy
To answer my calls of despair

Mum and dad don't speak that much
They ask how you are
Can't you see how much they care
Even from a far

Please don't keep shutting them out
They have done nothing wrong
You've been blaming them for your mistakes
Now for far too long

They worked their selves into the ground
For you to have the choice
To achieve anything you want in this world
Why use that harsh voice?

You're so ungrateful for their love
They always take the blame
I know you can't take guilt and this
Is a way to cope with shame

But Sis, for there to even be a chance
Of being a proper family
You need to drop your pride and face
Your demons eventually

Pain affects people in different ways
Leaves it's scarring trace
This pain has left you cold and numb
Its written across your face

I used to wish for a heart of stone
That no love could hold
But I have seen the way you've grown
So bitter and so cold

please comment if u cud xxxxxxxx