Marzipan Moon (Goodnight, Vienna)

Its amazing;
I'm so alone and so far from anything
but myself. In the dark,

where nobody wants to know.
I wish it could stay that way forever
My head touching the ceiling here

and I can feel my lungs swelling in my chest.
The breathing thickens; she's waking.
Shh, I say. Shh.

And she does. Mothers in
the next room,
head lying heavy on today

while mine lies heavier on tomorrow.
I haven't seen him in days; what I like to call
A Marzipan Moon. Too long

for us to function,
but too short for the public's consumption.
Isn't it just perfect?

When I'm sure no one can hear me
I like to sing it out to myself.
The song I wrote, for him.

"He's waiting, my friend,"
Your getting closer; be still.
And some day all our dreams have to end."

I miss you!
I know its gone faster than sand through our fingers,
I should stop now; she's cussing me in her dream

"But don't lets wait, like ghosts as we linger."
Do you like it?
Maybe tomorrow, (if the fated day should come) I could

sing it to him, see what he thinks.
He'd probably sit there, dumb as a tailor's dummy,
while I play hang-man on words that never come.

That's how it is, how it was and always will be.
I've come to accept his abrupt mannerisms,
but too, the slight of his hand.

And it suits me just fine-
Winning never took my fancy, I did not long for
the winning point, the commendations

that seemed so futile.
I was content to sit by the rosemary bush in his garden,
Where we spoke of our childhoods, and nothing else.

I remember the swings in the park and
the pond and the pool. We would spend
our days dreaming

of a life yet to come, one that never would end.
I was happier than you will ever
know; I was in love; more than can be said

for you. The later days,
the one's only we know of (lets
keep it that way) when you asked me to marry you

and I declined with the finesse of glory
herself. The naivety was overwhelming,
and I remember your words, just so;

analytically placed and nurtured so I
never knew a thing;
your confessions that chilled me through,

and the audacity you had to confess them,
Yet I never complained.
And you would always say:

I don't love you.
I wanted that to be enough, make me
earn you. You wore me

like winter wears snow,
not caring when he leaves his blankets behind,
all spread out below.

I wish I had understood her words,
but alas;
I yearned for the sweetest poison

known to man. And now it is summer,
and I'm leaving you
for the one who needs me most.

His eyes melt me right through,
and his words are the greener grass
of the pasture I lie in now,

by his side.
On the hill there's a city and behind us
a big house where one day

we'll live.
We'll have a dog and two cats and
a silver car that'll glint in the sun.

He has promised me everything,
and I am his.
I never wanted to be a belonging,

but its almost as if it has
faded away. I want to pledge myself,
I want the see our names in lights.

I want to feel every second of every day,
and with him, I know I will.
So I'm leaving

I doubt you'll miss me;
regret is a funny thing.
But I wont ever forget you,

And I have your letters still.
Next autumn, I'll rake your corpse away
with the leaves, and

by the morning, you wont remember a thing.
Goodnight,
Vienna.