Solace in a Song.

I really loved this poem and the feeling you weave into the verses are strong and central. I can tell you have a steady flow and you keep this oupour of love at a constant rate throughout the poem though you do change your persepctive of writing on the second part of this poem. I still loved it because it was a good transition. I found nothing wrong with this poem and in fact it is one of the better love poems that I have read in awhile. Thanks for sharing! :]

"You find solace in silence
while I nestle within the song
of my own voice,
with hope you'll notice
my lament and blend
into this symphony with me"

Your opening to this poem had to be my favorite part. Your tone was simplistic yet edgy as you try to tempt this person with your wants and desires. I find the metaphor to be a good aspect to this as well and I think it fiits well with what you are trying to get across.

In all, this poem had a touching story that many poeple who have experienced this kind of love can appreciate and feel with your words. Their is a lot of feelings in the lines you have written and I can tell you have poured out your heart. I hope you continue to open yourself up and write these emotional pieces. Great job and keep writing!

Yours is the first poem I have read on this site and I found it most seductive, soft, natural and very nuzzly. Delightful.

I'm a fan of the first stanza.

"You find solace in silence"
and
"with hope you'll hear"

^ I think the more appropriate word than "hear" is "notice". The person is imagined to physically "hear" the speaker's song, but may have decided to ignore the song or shrug it away from his/her present consciousness. To "notice" is to be aware; to let go of other business and engage oneself to something else. In this case, the speaker's song.

The second stanza is obviously a different story. This time the speaker has taken hold of the person in discussion. But how? This is the question of the reader. The speaker spoke in a dream-like situation of what may happen incase the aim of the first stanza becomes successful; incase the person "blends with the speaker's symphony". But the story in the first line isn't finish yet. It is still fresh of yearning.

In my opinion, the second stanza seems like a whole different poem that distracts the powerful element of the first.

No offense on the second stanza though, I also like it. But sometimes in poetry, even if you've come up with a great stanza/line or even verses, you must make sure if it really fits with the poem. You shouldn't shoehorn it, you can always save it for a later work.

Just my opinion, this is your piece. Still good work. :)

Temps, I'm glad this piece turned out beautifully. I like your choice of words, your writing style, and the emotions conveyed are very vivid. IMHO, you've grown so much as a writer. Well done!

Youuuuuu really know how much I loved this poem, from the title, that is very catchy..to the 1st word..then last one!

in your opening lines I found myself thinking, feeling serenity, peace, and imagining myself in a forest listening to birds...its just donu..this is about me :P

You find solace in silence
while I nestle within the song
of my own voice,

^^
like this, its a master piece to start a poem with lol, its Nailed.! the song of my own voice...how wise ..

with hope you'll hear
my lament, and blend
into this symphony with me
until the waning hours of night.

^^^
never tired from chanting for us :), a very well worded part, that makes me imagine for both the bird and humans..when we crave attention or year for certain people to notice us, feel us, understand out emotions..and appreciate our presence.

Perhaps then I'll serenade you,
nuzzling you deeper beneath
my canopy of grapevines,

^^
perfection, right-in-place.
LOVEs it, wayyy more than you think I do,
just really LOVE the way u said perhaps..still hoping..unsure..and the serenade usage is way suitable..well done jacey

where we'll find comfort
in summertime,
you and I.
^^
:) makes me smileeeeee..makes me wanna love..makes me wanna own some new birds..and..and..
just thought provoking :)

5/5/5/5/5