What You Are

Does it please you,
to torture me so?

I am lost for words,
I am out of touch,
With that I wish to touch,
with you.

I cannot miss
That which I have never had,
How is that?
When I miss you so.

I see my old loves,
and they mean nothing to me now.

Is that cruel for me to say?
I see them differently,
I see them the way they always saw me.
As not enough.

And now what you're giving me
Is not enough.
Nothing it seems,
will ever be enough for me.

I always thought you were more than what you are.

Affection,
infect me,
Passion,
preserve me.
But no, it cannot
Because you will give me none of it.

I always thought you were more than what you are.

I am lost without affection,
I am alone.
I have lived many years of being strong,
many years of sleeping alone,
But it seems it has only made me the more tired
Of waiting for You.

I always thought you were more than what you are.

You will never read this.
Because you never read anything I write anymore.
And you may receive my letters
But I have never received one from you.
And the paintings I sent to you,
They mean nothing to you.
I suppose I really was wrong about you.
You are no artist, because you cannot appreciate
The love that another artist gives you.

I always thought you were more than what you are.

I always thought you were more than what you are.
I suppose its true, that when you ignore me,
its not to keep me safe from yourself,
its because you don't give a damn about me.

I always thought you were more than what you are.
But what you are now, deceases me.

For you are nothing but cruel to me.
You refuse to love me to spite me.
I refuse to leave you to spite you.
True love hurts?
No.
True love hates.

And yet,
I miss all the memories we never had.
I miss our warm skin entwined in the sheets
I miss you roughness against my soft
I miss your eyes staring into me
I miss the way you would stroke my hair
I miss the way you would kiss my neck
I miss the way I fell in love with you.
Your dominance, your sweetness.
It is no more. Was it Ever?
Or when you took me across the world...
You never did. You never did.
I would give it all for you to hold me once.
You say you love me, but will not care for me.
So I cry.
So I cry.
So I cry.

Because you are less than all I thought you were.