Resurface the pain
Resurface the tears
Resurface the heart ache
And resurface all the things I don't want to hear.
I wonder why certain things resurface
When I am trying to forget,
And when I am doing good.
Good about not letting my memories
Consume me and control my feelings.
I was doing good.
Well, discounting my nightly nightmares.
At least I am not waking up crying anymore,
But who cares. It's still a f---ing nightmare.
It all resurfaces once in a while
And I wonder why.
After all this time, why now?
Now my heart aches
The way it did that very day.
And all I can think of is how I
Will never be someone who can depend on
Their self to make them feel better,
Not depend on pills.
And all my past of smoking and drinking and pill popping
Resurfaces and it comes to me in my dreams.
"There must be some hiding somewhere.
Where? I don't care, I will find it."
All the feelings I have pushed away, resurface themselves and are racing constantly around my brain.
But in the time when they are racing away,
I am stuck in a hole and I don't want to get out.
And once everything resurfaces, and leaves, I miss it. For living, and becoming good friends with
My sadness, I miss it.
It was an escape, but it was a trap.
And I am in this trap now.
I feel slightly like crap.
But this feeling,
This feeling is home.
When I am happy, I feel like it doesn't belong.
Because I never have anyone to share it with.
And me and happiness are not friends.
We are becoming acquaintances
We pass each other in between thoughts and every once in a while in my dreams.
But not frequently.
Good things resurface, and so do bad things.
Why do I choose to push away memories but keep the evidence?
Resurface the pain
Resurface the tears
Resurface the memories
It is becoming me.
