When Love Doesn't Ripen.

I nestle between seams of an overripe night

This opening line is simply elegant and soft. I
was just re-reading this several times imagining an overripe night..lovely!

the size of moon flowers in spring -

Another captivationg image here! Of a moon
growing like a flower. This line shows the beauty rather then teling...loved it!

Loved the read and the feelings it portrays..excellent!

I don't know why but I always seem to draw more out of sad poems then I can others. I can tell you are trying to get over the lost of a loved one perhaps death or maybe just distance between you and the passion of how you miss them is taking over. I like the metaphor you used. Went well with the poem and title. Your emotions were collected and powerful. Your flow kept smoothly and it had no interruptions from line to line.

purging the bitter taste of distance
as temptation swells in harvest.
^^^
I do believe I like this part best out of your first paragraph. You long for this person very much but yet he can not pick you because the distance to do so is too great as you try to say in this metaphor. I'm sure a lot of people who have long distance relationships can relate to this part very well.

While you, are that eye nectar I love;
I know not of a time when you were
any less tantalizing to my senses
for you behold a mystic power to
lure me closer like strawberries in season,
yet your love for me does not ripen the same.
^^^
This whole last stanza was simply amazing. I love the simile you use and I love everything right to word to word. You were simple in your way of telling this story and it just seems that these two weren't meant to be thought there is a love there. But it will wither away eventually as will the fruit if it doesn't stop its cries for something it will never have.

Anyway, this was a great poem that I really could get into. There were plently of emotions that I think were so full of life and sadness that it made the poem so much more powerful with the emotions alone. You are a mature writer and I am glad to see you write as one. Great job and keep writing!

Hey :) I love this poem actually, u did take time gathering your thoughts, and thats the result :D

I love your title, and how you manage a very interesting opening stanza yet u leave the stronger part for the closing one to make sure to leave an impact. LOved it.

I nestle between seams of an overripe night
while nibbling on peony seeds
the size of a moon flower in spring -
^
loves the pause here, loves the word chooice and the imagination thats ur sinking in..its just worth it.

purging the bitter taste of distance
as temptation swells in harvest.
^
yes bitter taste of distance, and whats harder than distance..with all the passion that it builds up..

While you, are that eye nectar I love;
^
how sweet lol.......

I know not of a time when you were
any less tantalizing to my senses

^
makes me feel of someone who turns out to be a very important part of our life, never the less ..hence they do have this ability to move us..

for you behold a mystic power to
lure me closer like strawberries in season,
yet your love for me does not ripen the same.

^^
how perfectly said..how true and disapointing..how painful..and how humble..to give when u know ur not gna get the "in return"..
i love this poem jacey
a LOT

5/5

I'm surprised that you put this in sad, I was expecting it to be more in love that anything, lol.

I like the use of peony seeds, peonies are never used in poetry (not that I often see anyway), and love the symbolism and imagery you created with them.

I love the second stanza and the bit about the mystic power, I thought that held a lot of strength within the lines. Knowing what strawberries represent now (surprising, still) I think they fit REALLY well here and in perfect correlation with your title. The two went hand in hand perfectly.

I love the use of flowers and fruit here, and think it gave a fresh, light feel in an otherwise emotional piece. Beautifully done!