He Loves Me (Side Note: one of my most personal poems)

Picking up the pieces of how my life once was
Pondering all the reasons of why the storm erupt
You can't begin to wonder whats going on inside
The jumbled thoughts of reason that can't ever align

A jigsaw puzzle of emotions that never seem to fit
An amazing piece of art, now covered up with grit
An idea filled with hope, lost amongst nightmares of my life
Betrayal, hurt, confusion, loneliness, and strife

Don't try to tell me lies; everything wont be OK
I know if I was to ask, you'd never want to stay
Cause questions are like shovels; they only want to dig
While all I want is a tarp to cover up and forgive

I built myself this idendity to protect myself from pain
To hide the scars of my heart and stop it from happening again
I know I can't hide forever; thats a long time to wear this face
But for now, a wounded animal I am, just wants to have her space

Besides, masks are better left on; you don't want to see underneath
Something monstrous and evil is the uncovery of me
For once I am vulnerable; claws begin to grow
And what I once was, gets hidden way down below

Now stop all your searching, your efforts only hurt
You're pushing past my flaws; tears, sweat and dirt
Stop saying that you love me, I can't stand to hear those lies
Cause once those words are spoken, quickly follow good-byes

Why do you want to know me? I'm scarred beyond repair
Live your life with someone more perfect, I know its only fair
Stop, stop this nonsense its tearing me apart
Cause no ones ever looked past the damage and continued to my heart

Now look what you've done! I'm as naked as can be
This dirty, scarred, mangled wreck is all thats left of me
My hearts a stone of marble and my skin an armor of fear
No, stop, back off, get away, don't you dare come near

How can you stand the sight of me, this cracked porcelain of a heart
I may never get the whole back together again, I may always be apart
My emotions will never be the same, I may not even get them back
What other girls have, I know forever I will always seem to lack

Its because you love me? But who could care for the broken like me?
You say because I'm special and I'm exactly who I'm supposed to be
You can heal the cracks and mend the broken parts?
Open my eyes, forget the past and clean out my dirty heart?

You say you love me and I'll never be alone
That you were sent from heaven, from your mighty throne
You were beaten, tortured, sacrificed, all so I could live
Sounds too good to be true, whats the catch, what must I give?

I must believe in your love and that you do exist
What? Thats all? No hidden agendas? No long list?
Why give this so freely, such love, compassion and grace
Especially to someone like me, reeking of disgrace?

You repeat that I am special and that you love me so
That no matter what happens in my life, you're never letting go
You've got my back and a light to guide my way
You're here forever and in my heart you'll always stay

It hurts so much to lean on you, after all the pain burrowing underneath
It was pushing down on my shoulders and once I thought I was beat
But now you lift the chains and lift me by the hand
A firm foundation of rock, no longer sinking sand

Life will still be hard, my past will haunt me on and on
I ask for you're guidance and the nightmares are all gone
I feel your hand on my shoulder; sturdy and promising everyday
And when I walk,
run,
stumble
or fall
I know you're with me, like you promised,
watching
guiding
teaching
and know you're here to stay