Dog house rap

My computer got a virus so I had to get Norton
Coffee makes me as nervous as Billy Bob Thornton
I would get ill and down right dirty
But I'm too wide and a little bit nerdy
I am just here to get ratings and votes
and rap with the folks of poems and quotes
Seems at times there's no reason or rhymes
That will ding my dong or ring my chimes
A lady once told me that I could get rough
So I let her have it until she had had enough
I've not had so much fun since I danced nude
and was bounced for being rude, crude, and lewd.
Ever woke from a dream sleeping on the floor
to find you won every battle, but lost the war?