Comments : Coalesce

  • 13 years ago

    by Colm

    I quite liked this, even though I have gone off rhyming poetry. I think the rhymes work quite well because the lines are short and crisp. When reading it, the flow seemed a little out on this line - 'Outside this moment,' maybe because it sounds similar to melt.'

    Where one ends
    The other starts
    ^^
    Nice image here, a good ending. A simple poem that was enjoyable to read, gave across emotions quite well and was concise. Similar to the title really, which attracted me to the poem in the first place. Well done.

  • 13 years ago

    by Kiko

    I really like the intimate images this poem conjures up, but I think it could be tweaked slightly:

    I think "couldn't" should be replaced by "could not." "Nothings" should have an apostrophe, since it is a contraction of two words.

    Also, I think the ending is a bit cliche. A short poem like this really needs a strong ending.

    Overall, a very nice write. :)