Sometimes

Oh holy crap,
I should roam around this site more often...
And to see on your profile that you are only 17.,,
being 17 myself I must say I am very impressed...

this poem caught my attention to be honest...
because I was singing the Adele song someone like you...in my head... and was at the part were it says 'sometimes it last inlove but sometimes it hurts instead'

and I'm like...Oh,...
SOMETIMES!...

but anyways,moving on...
I am enchanted by this very tiny yet emotional piece...

I believe I felt every single word,
not only because i can relate
but because you have made this poem in a certain way that makes you just sit back and breathe,,,

it is like almost too powerful to take in...
and the ending,
Oh god...I love it when poems have strong endings...

You did amazing here<3...

Hugs..

Yaki.

Hate burns inside my veins
while I carve your name in my heart
like graffiti on a wall
my emotions drip raw,
shattering time apart.

I find this a very strong opening to your poem which sets the mood of the torment as wel as the pain you are going through..right from start to finish it held my attention with sadness...take care.

Hate burns inside my veins

*I really liked this line. I could see your veins growing red with anger. Great image and opening line*

while I carve your name in my heart

*I'd change "in" on "on" a commonly used line but I can't think of another way to make it more original*

like graffiti on a wall
my emotions outpour raw,

*"Outpour" did not sit well with me. I'd change that to "spraying raw" or "pouring raw" that way you kinda relate to the graffi comment since graffi artist use spray paint.*

shattering time apart.

*This line seemed forced and din't really go well with the other lines. Maybe something like "ripping time apart" or "pulling time apart"*

Time creeps away like sand,

*I like how you said "creep" don't see the word used in this context often.*

watching you fade into my past.
Memories echo lies of hope,
but those nightmares wont cope
as through the night I won't last.

*I felt this stanza was very well written. I wouldn't change a thing about. Your emotions were simple and flowed well into each other. Great job.*

Surely but evidently life stops,

*Take out one or the other. I don't think you need both.*

pausing hurt in the act,

* I like the way you used "pausing* clever idea.*

giving voice to the silence of pain
to which no end has a name
but only a scarring impact.

*Rough start hun but a strong finish. I really enjoyed this one. You're turning into a strong writer Aussy :] -Nik*