The Lost

Rage and envy fill me from within,
Nothing I can ever do will let me win,
The past and the present are forever intertwined.
All the memories that will never leave my mind.
Not once, not twice but three times I have lost you.
I don't understand it and probably never will.
Three little ones I will never hold in my arms.
The look on their faces,
Innocence in their eyes and love in their hearts...
Things I will never experience.
It's so easy for others,
You hear all there stories,
See all there pictures,
And all the rage and envy returns like nothing ever felt before...
So why not me?
Why instead of smiles I must cry?
Not once, not twice but three times I have lost you.
Why must I be the one?
To never experience these things...
Why must I be the woman not meant to hold a child in her arms?