The Soulless Figure

by LJ Roodt   Jun 23, 2011


Vertical irruptions crawling towards her
slowly a voice bounces off her
breathing deeply infiltrating her
this soulless figure has swallowed her whole

Velvet carpet is the last she saw
flickering lights at the end of the hall
breaking glass all over the floor
these are the last things she recalls

No control but she feels it all
this soulless figure has remodelled her core
blazing thunder as this night evolves
leaving her helpless and taking it all

Left with nothing but a fearful life
her womanly form, has a new born
in side her womb a new life forms
shattering her future, so deformed

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One of my poems which used to be on the site - and Thought I'll share them again with everyone :)

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Copyright 2006 by LJ Roodt
All rights reserved.
Differences: A Poet's Way
ISBN-978-0-620-50284-9

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Latest Comments

  • 13 years ago

    by LJ Roodt

    Thanks Ingrid,

    Reason for posting it again - is to exactly get your critique towards it. As i was not happy with it - but my publishers was lol

    Thanks again, everything you said towards this piece is my thoughts to. :)

  • 13 years ago

    by Ingrid

    LJ,

    The fact that it is already published makes it a little hard for me to truly critique your work. It doesn't really matter anymore, the poem is already out there..

    But anyway, I think there was too much repetition, "her"for instance was used often, too often in my opinion. I think the first stanza is the weakest one and the others tell a good story:)

    Overall you did well on this..but I don't really understand why you choose an already published poem to be critiqued by us..just a thought. Maybe you could post some new ones that you want our honest opinion about?

    Welcome back:)

    5/5 Ingrid

  • 13 years ago

    by Naughtymouse

    Dude I really like this poem there's excellent flow to it :-)

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