The Less Fortunate

Lovely poem, Tony - picked at random. Excellent and thought provoking.

People say they want to help others but rarely do it.

So many people in our society struggle and sometimes all they need is a smile.
Little things can make so much difference.

Good write!

The man with a sign on the corner of the street
He wouldnt be out there begging if he had enough to eat
Next time you see him dont walk away or laugh
You never no what you could do with that bit of change you have

- great opening as I think everyone can imagine this man because we have all seen someone homeless and on the street and many of us often judge them wrongly.
- typo on last line "no" should be know.

The little girl in the hospital that every day you see
Hiding her disease from the likes of you and me
Just talk to her make her laugh and stop the falling tears
You never no how much you help, for that moment she forgets her fears

- again "no" should be know.
- I liked this stanza because at first I thought you were writing a poem about this man on the street and then I realized your poem was going to be about many different people and have a message in it. I like the relation to the childs fears in the fact that a stranger can make them better by creating laughter. A very pricless and unique gift to be able to give.

The family from the slums that barley survives
Just £1.50 a month can save tears from a million eyes
With the help from you we can wipe out hunger fight disease
Because you could stop a child dieing, would you be begging please?

- spelling error first line "barley" should be "barely"
-2nd line has an icon infront of the money, just delete this and it will be fine.
-3rd line, I would put a comma in between hunger and fight to seperate the sentence properly.
-4th line, "dieing" should by dying.

- Again another great truth in life about the money making a very big differnce to less fortunate people which we don't often realise, the simple thing like even affording to drink water or eat once a day. Every little helps.

The teenage lad that looks different so people tease and stare
At home its not any better its like hes not even there
One day he get home locks his door and grabs a Sharpe knife
If people took more notice maybe they could have saved his life

- 3rd line - get should be gets because your talking in present tense. and Sharpe should be sharp.
- I liked the impact this line had because it is true that people who are suffering badly might have not suffered as much if only someone was there for them, and this can be applied to many situations for people.

You can carry on with your life forget what you heard today
If you ever had to go through this would you want help that day?
When you see someone in need look into there eyes remember there face
Cause if you think about it deep down could you make a difference, could it be there

Saving grace

- 3rd line "there" should be their in realtion to their eyes. You should either add in the word and between eyes and remember, or use a comma to split it up.

- I am confused about the last line, the way I think I can make sense of it is if you mean " could it be their saving grace" ? As is the less fortunate people getting grace and being saved and enlightened by the more fortunate people. If this is right and I have understood it correctly then you will need to change "there" to their, and add a question mark after saving grace, this will show it is a question.

- I liked this idea and the message. I like poems like this which creates a strong message made up of lots of examples of life and situations, I have done this myself and you have done good a job.

This is a beautiful message. Many people just don't stop to think about how there are plenty of people that are less fortunate than them. They think their lives are horrible yet they still have a roof over their head and a fridge full of food and are healthy. Others are not as fortunate and would be grateful to have even a quarter of what most do. This is a beautiful poem, I really love it. 5/5

Oh my gosh, this piece is... this piece is... wow. Speechless and shocked, that's what this has done to me. Fantastic job, no wonderful, no amazing job.