Lost

by deejay211   Jul 5, 2011


All that i am is a lost soul
heart broken and cold with sad stories
that could never be told and all
i need is someone that i could
hold that's willing to hold me to
the end of time
and im searching for you
but i dont know where to look
but i know im hook on something
i cant find im searching with
my eyes close like im blind
pause now rewind to where i had
someone but now im lost with no
one

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Latest Comments

  • 13 years ago

    by deejay211

    Thank i will follow your advice

  • 13 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    I love how you add this part about sad stories that were never shownt to the world- that somehow the story of your own life & beauty is just covered in neglect.

    My biggest suggestion here would be to work on the structure of the piece. In places you broke and started another line when there were not natural pauses. For better understanding, you either have to add comma's or dashes, or start a new line at the right place- so it doesn't confuse the reader on the meaning of the message or where to break at. Also check your grammar. "im" should be "I'm". It is important to make sure we grow in writing and can learn new structures to have our poem be strengthened.

    Thanks for the read and God bless!
    Never give up writing!

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