I think the worst part about loving someone for so long..
Waiting for someone for years upon years..
Knowing that they are with someone else..
I think the worst part is when you get to that point that you never know when the pain is going to hit you.
You go one with your life.
You tuck away the memories and everything you still feel.
You lock it all up in a little box and shove it to the back of your heart.
You can't cry anymore.
You want to, but the walls are so thick you just can't break through.
You want to just let it all out but you feel like there aren't any tears left to cry.
So, one day, out of the blue, you come across something that makes you think of them.
The most random things.
Things no one else would see or acknowledge.
But it hits you.
Brings you to your knees as all the memories spill out of that box.
You can't control it.
The breakdown.
It rips apart every barrier you put in place to protect yourself.
And when all the tears are cried.
All the agonizing screams have left your lips..
You're empty again.
Maybe you always were.
And you try to pick yourself back up but it's ten times harder than it was the last time you fought to put yourself back together again.
And you know it will happen again, and again.
And you won't see it coming.
You won't be able to stop it.
So you go back to how things were.
Day by day.
Breath by breath.
Hoping. Praying. Waiting.
But until something changes.
For better or for worse.
This is the way things will stay.
Never changing.
Always on the edge of a precipice.
The edge of the unknown.
