Comments : Deceitful Compulsion (Monorhyme)

  • 13 years ago

    by Sunshine

    I LOVe LOVE, this poem! and You know I thought u went for a diff title, but even this speaks so much of what the main poem is all about..
    Drugs..worst part, of what humans do love to fall under its control!

    your words spoke of truth, yet with great metaphors and breathhh takinggggggg rhyme scheme..
    this was just Amazing,and I think you have done a great job for a serious subject..
    hope ppl ;learn from ur work :)

    5/5

  • 13 years ago

    by nouriguess

    Hey, you little creative sweetest girl ever! :)

    I never thought to write about drugs or smoking or addiction...because I find it difficult to write about such a thing, but you nailed a masterpiece, girlie :) you and your awesome write are praise-worthy, good job!

  • 13 years ago

    by RSJ

    Uve really astonshied me here, walahe I'm out of words to say. Not only does this capture my full attentintion, it took my heart and soul! Because for one, uve portrayed it the Best way ever possible, and this is from an old addicts point of veiw! Very unique of you to write such a subject, perfection in this poem was in fact achived

    Amazing how much uve Grown as a poet, from writing just love poems to this? Not only does it dazzle me, but it really was amazing, uve masterd the flow 200 %, and nothing seemed forced

    I'd totaly nominate in a heartbeat.

  • 13 years ago

    by Liliana

    You are very talented not just by this poem but for others, it seems that u really feel what u write congratulations for the good work

  • 13 years ago

    by average thoughts

    Here,d poetry godess hit agn wid dis beautiful poem..
    Superb rhymin,grt meaning..evry line did justice to its meaning..excellent 5/5

  • 13 years ago

    by Decayed

    I read it carefully, and there goes my opinion:

    - The mere thing I don't love in your poem is what you think of addiction.. No! An addictive one is not a convict.. not a 'king of manipulation in this jurisdiction' ,..... In my opinion, addiction is a disease, that has a cure, and we should all fight it in a good way like any other epidemic one!

    - BUT THOUGH I don't agree with you, you have managed to explain ur pt of view brilliantly!! and that was the best part of it :D :::

    * To start with, the title is MEGA EPIC! It explains so much after the poems is read, and it grabs the attention before reading!

    * The rhyming scheme was flawless.. I love this scheme,,, It's a rap-alike one! and I'm into rap ;)

    * The wording is in its right place.. spontaneous, not forced, and strong!

    * The blaming atmosphere is tight! From the very first word till the very end

    * The images are deep, and your point of view was well conveyed thru them :)

    You live a life filled with endless contradictions
    Exposing the people around you to this affliction
    You don't take no for an answer, and refuse corrections
    You are the king of manipulation in this jurisdiction
    ^^ the 1st three verses were super!! The 4th one, I don't agree much :*
    - In the 3rd verse, the comma between 'answer' & 'and' is not needed

    You symbolize every mans imperfection
    Every thought is portrayed in your reflection
    Every word you say is from a concise selection
    Intended to create a path with certain connection
    ^^ This is so strong!! I so like it :D
    - In the 1t verse, 'mans' should be (man's)

    Your words have the effect of an anesthetic injection
    -------(((It's my best verse :)))---------

    They mesmerize me; victimize me to your affection
    ---- ((( The pace here is brilliant + a comma should be in place of the semicolon ';' ))) -----

    I obey your every order, without any words of objection
    ------------ (( the comma is not needed)))-------
    Now am like your puppet, you move me in any direction
    ------- (( 'Now am' => 'Now I'm' )) + (( the comma should be replaced by a semicolon ';' )) ------

    ^^^^^^^^^
    THIS VERSE, it's about the drugs themselves, right?
    this mixing between blaming the drugs and the addictive one is WOW!

    It's not a myth, or a story with genre of fiction
    ---- (( ',' the comma should be removed and 'nor' instead of 'or' should be used ))- -
    It's a plain reality, guessed by a simple prediction

    ^ The word 'plain' is so strong, and this closing is magnificent!

    An excellent write!
    5/5

  • 13 years ago

    by Naughtymouse

    As you know I love the way you write but I think this piece of work is just EPIC!!!!

    6/5 all the way just brilliant!! :-))

  • 13 years ago

    by Saerelune

    "You live a life filled with endless contradictions
    Exposing the people around you to this affliction
    You don't take no for an answer, and refuse corrections
    You are the king of manipulation in this jurisdiction"
    ^ I really like the rhyming here. Some may say it's monotonous, and that words rhyming on "-ing" are oftentimes forced, but I think they fit this poem perfectly well. You talk of deception and the flaws in one's personality. You're obviously bitter about this person and your rhymes and complicated diction emphasize this. Darkness seeps through every corner of this poem, I like that.

    "You symbolize every mans imperfection
    Every thought is portrayed in your reflection
    Every word you say is from a concise selection
    Intended to create a path with certain connection"
    ^ I like the way you connect selfishness with being biased/prejudiced, but still this stanza has something artistic about it. I'm talking about the words "symbolize" and "portrayed", it reminds me of a painter.

    "Your words have the effect of an anesthetic injection
    They mesmerize me; victimize me to your affection
    I obey your every order, without any words of objection
    Now am like your puppet, you move me in any direction"
    ^ I like the word "anesthetic", instead of let's say "bloodless" or something of the kind. It has a nice sound that fits with the word "injection", makes the poem flow just right.

    "You have your own personality collection
    Each comes with its own way of projection
    Ensuring they will never receive a rejection
    They deceive my mechanism of protection"
    ^ I think your flow here isn't as good as your previous stanzas, perhaps because the lines have become shorter. A good way of keeping up the same flow is to have almost the same amount of syllables in each line, and making sure that you don't use too many big words with an odd rhythm in one line.
    I like the thought of "personality collection", it's scary but also fascinating. It reminds me of Schizophrenia.

    "This should be considered as a conviction
    You and this twisted, manipulative addiction
    It's not a myth, or a story with genre of fiction
    It's a plain reality, guessed by a simple prediction"
    ^ Nice way to tie up your poem, toning down the bitterness and illustrating the hate in your poem as a cause of the simple reality. Makes the reader think and it's a nice twist.

  • 13 years ago

    by Cinnamonspice

    Your words flow so easily, and clear. I really enjoy your work. Some go so far out into metaphors that it's hard to understand but your emotions and imagery comes through loud and clear
    Super
    Connie

  • 13 years ago

    by The Queen

    Wow, first off, I love the title of this piece, secondly, I find the rhyme scheme to be very interesting because every line ends with the same sound. Well done for not running out of words that will fit in :) You managed to explain the meaning behind this priceless piece of art perfectly. Good job!