A Pause

"I was sailing in a breathless
pause when she, with her"
^ I really liked the serenity of these lines. "Sailing", which reminds me of the ocean, depicts some sort of calmness. Then you say "breathless" and "pause" which reminds me of a moment of total silence. Putting these words together really makes your reader stop and dwell in absence for a while. I liked the way these lines impact me.

"exact kindness offered
to help..."
^ I have to wonder whether the word "exact" is really effective. It's such a cold word, if you know what I mean. When I read "exact" I think of things like mathematics or science. It doesn't really fit the kindness or willingness to help that you're trying to convey. I suggest using a more emotive adjective, or just expel the adjective. Adjectives are dangerous anyway, oftentimes meaninglessly overused. :)

"Unhappy, yet I smiled
in wonder. How could
she help me when I'm
incapable of helping
myself?"
^ Although not the most poetic lines I've ever read, they are the most sincere. It lets us know that this poem was written by you, and only for you: not trying to impress the reader, just straightforwardly telling us about your confessions.

"Sweet pause was doubtlessly
wanted before I prepare my
boat again, for a longer gap."
^ Here I stumbled upon the adjective again, as I don't see how the word "sweet" benefits the poem. I would've gone for something more personal, or even something very simple, as "our pause". This way you're ensuring that this very moment, this moment of silence, was only for you and the person you're talking about. Because I feel that you didn't much emphasize this "she" in your poem, while I think it's a very important part of your poem. Then again, I'm just a reader and I will never be sure what the intentions behind your words are. So don't listen to me when you know that the word "sweet" has a personal meaning to you, although you could've made this more clear if this were the case. :)

I really liked the way you ended the poem with the boat again, just to add something more metaphoric to the poem, since the middle part of it was quite direct.

I'm also glad that this poem was such a short one, fits the title perfectly.

Sometimes you come across a poem that you want to write a long, meaningful comment to let that reader know how you felt about the piece. And sometimes you come across the same poem that words cannot describe the emotion you've stirred and pulled within me. This is one of those pieces.. I have no words. This touched me sincerely, in ways I cannot even begin to describe.

^^ I LOVED Grammas comment, very profound. :)

Nana, this was simply beautiful, there are lots of people who help us while we can't help ourselves, very deep!

"Unhappy but still I smiled
in wonder, how could
she help me when I'm
incapable of helping
myself ? (seems like a question..'-)

Answer (I think) is:
That Is Exactly When True Help Will Often Arrive...'-)
So.......

sail on Sister, ride those waves awake
(and asleep, in particuar)
the Sun Still Rises, and.......

by All means,
Exhale...
consciously, graciously, gratefully,
deeply......
Et Spiritus Sanctus....

Holy Oxygen,
Holy Breath of Life..
Follow It..
Breathe and
Be Comforted
Allow This.

Love,
grammagramma

I swear I had to pause my movie for a
minute to read this poem .. Really sweet, soncere, and straight to the heart ..

Well done Sunshine :)