Flickered

by Jenni Marie   Jul 11, 2011


Once again
we slept back to back

aloofness circled the room
preying on weakened hearts
like vultures

but who is to blame,
except ourselves?

Once harmonious notes now wail like screeches
like chalk down a blackboard

how incredibly naive
to think that we were an eternity
when in reality, all we were...

ephemeral.

Flickering candle finally spluttered
the spark...

diminished.

Though this heart is shattered,
it's begging; yearning
for our symphony to be simultaneous
for our notes to flow harmoniously
like they used to

did you know
I considered you my utopia

things change.

but who is to blame,
except ourselves?

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Latest Comments

  • 12 years ago

    by Melpomene

    Jenn,*

    Don't know how I missed this piece before but I love it. The best I've read from you on this commenting escapade I've got going here.

    You opened this nicely, straight away you caused tension by mentioning back to back. It's such a bold statement and says a lot about the situation. I was really fond of the reference to vultures, vultures are so symbolic and they hunt they're prey, pick at every last bit of the bone and I assume here you're speaking of picking at something, or someone's actions.

    "Once harmonious notes now wail like screeches
    like chalk down a blackboard"

    Nice metaphor, it made me cringe. I had nails on a chalkboard so the sentence came to life, I could feel my teeth going together and wanting to grind!!

    The idea of comparing someone to your Utopia is very sweet. Everyone has a different Utopia so the fact it's yours it's like you were so sad because you had found that right one.

    "Flickering candle finally spluttered
    the spark..."

    This is my favourite part! So much image and nice little alliteration.

    Nice one, Jenn!
    -Mel

  • 13 years ago

    by Chelsey

    Once harmonious notes now wail like screeches
    like chalk down a blackboard

    ^ awesome analogy I totally loved this part!

    This poem made me so sad. What I love is you didn't state the circumstance bluntly, you used beautiful comparisons and great word chose, but still made the circumstance obvious. My parents went through this then got a divorce. Its so sad. People just let their love die and youre right, no one is to blame but each other. its a 50/50 thing in relatioships and when one lacks effort and doesn't fix it, its all down hill....Sad situation, but beautiful poem :)

  • 13 years ago

    by Jenna Bella Oldridge

    I have to be honest this poem made me go WOW!!!!

    I found myself fully engrossed in this poem from start to end.

    An emotional write but at the same time you didn't flood the reader with too much feeling. You gave the right amount of emotion which is a hard thing to do and I can only priase you for it

    "but who is to blame,
    except ourselves? "

    loved how you ended with a question as it leaves the reader thinking

    5/5

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