Feeling solid even though I am standing on shaky ground
Alone
But I have to be strong
I look for you but you are nowhere to be found
So I guess I will do this by myself since you are never around
I ask myself how can you not be here?
How can you stand to miss so much?
His first words, first steps and that smile
I'm sure it has to hurt or something
That your son sees you as a stranger since he hasn't seen you in such a long while
Its killing me now to be away from him being here in Iraq
But you are 6 hours away from him and you stay away by choice
Too damn sorry to visit, send money, or even call just so he can hear your voice.
Thank God he is too young for your absence, your negligence to hurt
But when it does, this on and off again part time parenting thing isn't going to work
You cannot just take leave of absences to go party and chase everything in a skirt
So when he gets older and wonders about you (If he wonders at all)
I will let you take the blame cuz this, this is your downfall
I refuse to break his heart with the truth of our situation
That burden will be your obligation
And this time be a man about your shit, Don't tell a lie, not one single fabrication
And by then when its too late don't come with excuses, don't even bother
You have had plenty of opportunities to man up and be a father
But let me calm down, Ima reel it in. I wont take this any further
And for him, my son, I will keep my temper under a lid
Cuz in the end, you lose. Cuz no one respects or wants a man who isn't man enough to take care of his own kid.
