What happened
I don't know
Fux it,
I'm trying not to give a damn
I was everything you desired
I drove right out of the traffic jam-
To connect with you.
The first time I saw your shy smile
My heart refused my minds denial
And I melted-
Melted right into you
Like voodoo
Dammit screw you
What is this?
I thought I had my purpose together
But whatever.
I thought if I didn't tell you
Then it wouldn't be true
But I love you
Ah, damn..
But how?
But I do,
I really do.
I breathed you
Fell asleep to you
Laughed with you
Thought about you endlessly..
Even in my sleep
I shared a piece of my heart with you
Something I can say I haven't truly done since 2002-
Not the way that I opened up with you
I actually respected you
Listened to you
Counseled you
Prayed for you
Felt bonded with you
And now I'm lucky to even get a hello from you
Even when I know
You're probably still worried
About some chick from around the way
That had you walking five miles in another state
I'm still missing you like crazy
Why?
Because I know I would NEVER do those things to you
No how-
No way
Even when you put yourself down
In my eyes you're still a champion-
Always
How is mom?
How is sis?
Where's that laugh that I really miss?
Did you really dis me like this?
That's how I know that it wasn't just a thing;
Because my heart still cries
And my eyes still sting
And I still sit here wondering-
What did I ever mean..
To you.
Sometimes I'm angry
Sometimes I'm blue
Sometimes all I want
Is to talk with you
I can be so upset
Then you say hello and I smile
It's like that hello made all of the time I sweated you..
Worth while.
I know I have the things you seek
The closeness you need
The harmony you wish to keep
The balance to keep you-
Us..
On our feet
But for some reason you never saw that in me..
Maybe you wondered
And likewise, didn't know what to think
Questions unanswered
Gaps left open
To a point where wishing or hoping
Just doesn't cut it anymore..
But I feel you in my core
I can't help but to feel sore..
And empty.
A piece of me?
You have plenty..
Take the lust away
And it still rains like a thousand shiny pennies
Hitting the ground and consuming it
How many wishes would it take
I don't know
I guess I'll have to let go
And let fate..
So overwhelming at times
I almost can't take it
But I'll never fake it
I've always sucked at that..
I'm just stuck
Struck
Emotions running amuck
Whether you hit me with hugs
Or a baseball bat
Sometimes it just... be's like that.
I miss you
I don't know what I did
I'm sorry
It's like my heart is out in open field
Naked
Unprotected
From fire
You must've heard it beat
Small tremors in the earth
Sending vibrations
To the soles of your feet
No shield
No shots
I gave it to you
And trusted you-
I'm still trusting you..
Do you even have a clue?
You swarm all through my mental
I still hear the echo
Of your steps
I know I might be foolish
I know I'm wide open
But that's the price I pay
I did it without knowing..
