Earthquakes disrupt my slumber,
was it in my head again?
On the wrong side of the bed, once more,
legs still wrapped between the cold sheets,
as I unconsciously reach for what's no longer there.
Listening for something.. a much loved breath, a sweet whisper,...
wanting to feel something.. a tender caress, a sensitive touch, warmth...
registering nothing is to follow.
Convincing myself it must only be a dream, a nightmare, it seems,
for my eyes are not opened.
Turns out nightmares can be reality.
There is no smiling reflection back at me,
no butterflies,
no one but the dog to please.
It's back to plain ol' me.
Craving for my junkie,
crumbling because he's no where found.
Misguided it seems,
my love should have been his addiction...
seems, my junkie, is a junkie for worry instead.
Thoughts seem so blurry now,
hazy, unkempt, unreal...
Wondering where this could have gone?
Shoved in my face,
nothing can be diverted.
My junkie, is lost in a worry filled dream...
Why is my voice buried deep in his head?..
Giving it thoughts,
building a prison around it,
and accusing those un-real thoughts?
Hating being the middle of his constant worry,
bad dreams, unexplainable thoughts,
and frustrated fears.
Scared I put them there...
somehow knowing I didn't.
Days drag longer and longer with each day.
Nights seem shorter and dreams interrupted.
Healing my wounds and waiting...
knowing there is something more than just worry,
something better, something worth waiting for.
Wishing I could feel the need,
missing the desire...
not hearing the want,
holding on to what I know can exist,
dreaming for a better dream.
