Comments : A Piece of the Past.

  • 13 years ago

    by Mostafa

    This is a good piece of writing : )
    you seem to be loaded with feelings to express, yet no one can easily find the right words to do so
    am not an expert writer myself but I know that what weakens a poem is the ordinary choice of words, you should look for new vocab and never hesitate to use them

    I think in the third stanza it's better to say :
    "I'm still wondering,
    why aren't here with me ?
    I can't hear you,
    Can't see"

    and you should replace "your" by "you're" throughout the poem

    keep on writing Myuh you got the talent : )

  • 13 years ago

    by MyaEve

    Thank you very much, Mostafa, I should change it. I appreciate the help, a lot!(:

  • 13 years ago

    by XXthe mistakeXX

    That was a good piece i loved it that was a lot of feeling to express if its real