Deliberate Bewilderment

Searching for a fix, but all I find is a dose of silence,

the same subtle chaos that destroyed me years ago.

Scream walls, scream! Do something that's worth wild!

My hands are in the sanctuary, waiting to defile!

Scratch, pierce, bleed! Just don't stop this gray abyss!

I'll cover my eyes and fantasize that this is truly bliss.

But I peak, peak, peak, until my pupils open wide.

I looked at them in the mirror but could see no one inside.

Soul, where do you hide?

Where have I stashed you in my temple?

You've become so hard to find that losing you is now so simple.

Come in, come in, come in, and bolt the daylight out behind you.

It's seeping, seeping through, trying to find a place to leech to.

The midnight light is crawling on me, pulling on my shoulders.

I turn around to face it, but it looks like The Beholder...