Rent

This has a lot of powerful images (like the photos of your children falling), but the phrase I'm most drawn to is the "heaven and earth" in the final stanza. It's a spontaneous-sounding plea for peace. I like that there is no punctuation to break up those last few lines - it gives it a stream-of-consciousness feel that is appropriate for a piece on this topic.

I too am more fond of the first piece due to the emotional impact. Posting my review

''This piece was probably one of the poems that most evoked emotion in me. I was drawn to the image of the recent earthquakes that the world has been experiencing and while I know many people could write about an earthquake this was personal, the experience was evident and it was terrifying to put myself into the shoes of the poet. I was particularly fond of the second last stanza, it was hard to imagine such images, I wasn't able to comprehend them as i've never been in such a situation, at least not one that causes such damage.. I have no problem that this poem didn't use punctuation as I usually would say it should however I do feel that 'I' should always be capitalized whether it's in poetry, a letter, prose or even every day language. My sense of sound was in over-drive for sound within this piece, with your words of 'deafen' 'rumble' and 'bombs' I found that I was clenching my ears shut if that makes sense, I placed myself amongst the sound and your wording was powerful enough to set the scene and make me feel as though I too could hear what you were hearing. I also like how you incorporated the other senses including vision and event scent in a small perspective with fear saturating your nostrils... in an earthquake I can't image which sense is being effected most, I assume it would be all of them. This poem had a powerful concept, one that I've never read from a first person perspective before.'

-Mel

I'm more of a fan of the first version, Nicko. Such a heart-felt write. Glad to see you writing again.

I'll post my review here:

With the events that's been going on around the world lately it is not hard to relate to what the author has penned down here. The poem, I believe, conveys the feelings and thoughts of someone undergoing a massive earthquake, it doesn't go on about reasons, into much details or states unneeded information but sticks to the time of the event amd ends with it; which is a plus. I found myself wondering as I read on how many times had that exact senerio been repeated, what others undergoing it must have felt and had they a chance to pen it down would their thoughts be anything like this. It was smart of the author to put themselves in the person's place instead of just narrating from an outsider's point of view. I like how the ''I'' was written an ''i'' it conveyed the feeling of being small and powerless. Also I found myself halting at the part about our lives being rent. The ending was touching, I could sense a change in the tome that almost showed relief and a prayer of sorts that I as a reader could feel. The word choice was unique through out the poem. This write is very much real, true and alive, though it's something I pray no one ever goes through.