Going Away.
I want to go to a different state.
'Cause I don't want to stay....in a house with a dysfunctional family where abuse is running gay.
All of household family memebers, even gone dad.
Has hit me where I felt pain after whether it was on my heart or on my skin. Or both...
The heart wins, sometimes when mother beats me with hands or a belt.
I refuse to fight back at times, I don't even try to stop it anymore.
Knowing it will happen again, my heart is sore.
Tears after because of how my heart feels and the swollen lumps on my skin, stings with pain.
That in a few hours will leave...again.
"Brother" pulls me by my ankles.
Me holding on to bed bars.
I'm in my sleeping dress.
In his head, he believes that I will leave the room as usual, once again.
But this time, I seed to explain that I will not leave our shared room.
He explains out of yelling, do it out of respect.
He is the older one and she is waiting, yes but the time, my previous hopes and thoughts.
Makes me not want to put up with the long gone family in this place.
Wondering if I shall leave, carrying my pillows, my blanket trailing by my feet, my heart is starting to pick up pace.
The screaming at me, before, running up to me to puch me with his fist, the eye on my face.
My aggravation will not rest, but somehow I sit on my bed and wait for this night to come to an end.
All this, for the...in my eyes unseen girl sitting in my sometimes living room bed.
With his rage and anger arguing and yelling at me.
With my turn of page and sadness, I am yelling back.
I want to get out of everything..this state.
So I never have to run into their faces again.
Start my dreams, start a new and better life for me.
A better one, where I'll know for sure I'll wake up to see the sun.
Where I know I'll be able to keep hope and taste my dreams.
Take me, to part of a state where there is at least something to look forward to with grace.
Living in a neighborhood as such.
Where missing or ignoring a single comment from an unknown stranger man.
Is asking for much.
He grabs your hand, in his eyes it's not too much.
My adrenaline get's fed up and want's to rush.
But somehow I remain calm, with this unfamiliar touch.
In my head, I shoot him. BANG! what a surprise.
He felt his deepest touch.
To walk away from the merely pain.
Where in his mind, there is no shame and nothing to blame.
In my heart I have alot of pain.
Seperated and Gone Best Friends. Domestic Abuse. Alive and Gone Dad. Lost Lovers. Loosing the love of my life.
At some point in a day, I get sad.
I walk away with disdain, sweet dissapointments, shame, but no mere pain.
Of never knowing what tomorrow will bring.
~To live a life mostly where the sane wins over the insane.~
